


Road to Redemption

by adestielable



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Character Death, Happy Ending, Multi, Mutants, Semi-explicit sex, Semi-graphic descriptions of violence, Utopia inside a Dystopia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-24
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2019-05-27 14:37:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 34,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15026819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adestielable/pseuds/adestielable
Summary: In a world torn apart by nuclear war, a being arose from the ashes and created a utopia for a small number of people, the Sinless. The rest, the Sinful, are left to fend for themselves out in the Wasteland.Dean Winchester was taken by Knights, bounty hunters, when he was fifteen, and is the only person to escape Heaven. When a new rebellion rises and tries to recruit him, he wants to do anything in his power to decline. He made a promise to his father to protect his family, and letting them join a rebellion isn't protecting them.The leader of the rebellion makes it hard to keep his carefully and painfully crafted walls up, though. And Dean soon finds himself falling.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there! This is my submission for the SPN Dystopia Bang 2018.
> 
> ~~~
> 
> A/N: Okay, so, it’s been some time (about six months I think, give or take, since I wrote this) and a quick warning before you read this fic… I had this idea and didn’t do enough world building to really make it great. Like, if this were a first draft for an original novel, it’s just fine. But that’s exactly what it is: a first draft. So… Fair warning if you choose to read it. Don’t expect greatness from it tbh.

A man in black clothing glided into the saloon, sitting down at the bar. The bartender slid a glass over without so much as a grunt from the man dressed in black. He took it, tipping his head to the bartender and then downed the cloudy amber colored drink. As most people coughed or hissed at the burn that accompanied the rightly named drink, hisskey, the man dressed in black was completely silent as the liquid made its way down his throat.

People around him began to notice him, and a trio of Knights at separate tables around the bar eyed him curiously. They were there, after all, trying to do their job. They needed to collect new specimens, and a man who didn’t so much as even wince when drinking hisskey? That had to be fate.

They couldn’t just walk up to him and take him, though. A man like that also had to be quite dangerous.

One of the Knights, got up from his table, motioning for the rest of his posse to stay seated until he gave the signal. He made his way on over to the man in black, sitting a stool or two down from him; watching him out of the corner of his eye.

The man’s face was obscured, but the Knight could see his mouth and he saw that the man in black was smiling sardonically.

“You got something to say to me,” the man said, “say it.”

The Knight sighed, turning to the man in black and putting on a forced smile. “I don’t got nothing to say to you,” he said, “I was just trying to drink myself dumb, here.”

The man laughed in a disbelieving way. “I’m not stupid,” he said. “And I know what you are and that you’re not alone.”

“I’m not, am I?” the Knight asked, laughing amusedly.

“No.”

“Even if I wasn’t alone, how would you know?” The Knights scoffed. The man in black sat back in his seat, tilting his head up before looking over to the Knight.

“How do you think?” He asked, fire igniting in his eyes. The Knight froze, unable to really believe who he was seeing in front of him right now.

“You’re…” He signaled the other two Knights and in seconds they were up and moving over to the bar. “Y-you’re Dean Winchester.”

The man in black—Dean Winchester smiled at the Knight, big, but forced. He stood up and hooked his arms out just as the other two Knights came and grabbed him. His eyes closed and his smile fell as they began dragging him out of the saloon.

The first Knight stood still, watching his comrades drag the only human ever known to have escaped Heaven. The only slave and fighter in the history of the world to _ever_ escape the SM’s radar.

The SM was looking for him. Not actively or anything; but keeping an ear open for his whereabouts. The fee for catching him would be phenomenal. He and his partners may even be able to retire. Living out their days in splendor. Never having to worry about food or water or shelter from the mutants that lived out here with them. Just… Smooth sailing for the rest of their lives.

The Knight shook himself and followed his partners, a genuine smile simmering just under the surface of his face as he pushed past the doors to the saloon. What sight he was greeted with was not one that was welcomed, though. His partners lay on the ground, arms tied up behind their backs and Dean Winchester leaning up against his SD-Racer—a modified Impala model; the last one in the world probably.

Dean was peeling what looked to be a fire cherry which was almost enough to make the Knight laugh. A fire cherry, the worst tasting fruit in the world. It was so sour almost no one could eat it. Dean Winchester, though? _Of course_ he could and would eat it.

“I would’ve thought some experienced Knights, such as yourselves, would be better equipped to take me in,” Dean said, popping one of the fire cherry seeds into his mouth to eat. “I mean, you are the Prince Brothers, right? The Knights who call themselves the ‘Princes of Hell’? Azazel, Ramiel, Asmodeus, and Dagon—” Dean cut himself off, hissing in mock sympathy as he pushed himself off his Impala. “Sorry. I forgot, wasn’t Dagon killed not too long ago when you tried to take some… Not-so-little Hunter family in the Borderlands?”

_“Excuse me?”_

“Oh, wow. Sorry, touchy subject?” Dean said, walking over to start circling the Knight. “Which one are you? Azazel or Ramiel?”

“Azazel,” Azazel said through gritted teeth.

“Well, Azazel,” Dean said, putting another fire cherry seed into his mouth before tossing the rest of the fruit to Azazel. “I’d say I’m sorry, but I don’t feel it. I feel threatened.”

Azazel forced himself to put on a look of calmness and neutrality. “Look, why don’t you just untie my brothers and we’ll leave you alone,” he said, taking one of the fire cherry seeds before dropping the rest to the ground. He thought about putting the seed in his mouth, but he couldn’t do it so he dropped it to the ground along with the rest of the fruit. He looked up to see Dean smirking triumphantly at him. It made him bristle, but he reigned it in. Azazel said, “We can all forget we even saw each other.”

Dean stopped and tilted his head back, eyeing Azazel first, and then the two Knights on the ground. He pursed his lips and then nodded. “Okay,” he said, bending over to untie the two men on the ground. “Forget you saw me here, don’t come after me, and don’t tell others you saw me, either, and I won’t put a bullet between your eyes,” Dean said, giving the three men a smile as he walked over to his Impala and swung his leg over it.

The three of them stared at Dean, blinking rapidly as they tried to process what happened.

“Well?” Dean prompted after none of them moved for a solid thirty seconds. “We got a deal?”

“Uh…” Ramiel looked to Azazel, lost as to what he should say. Asmodeus kept one eye on Dean as he also turned to Azazel for instruction. Azazel flicked his eyes to his brothers, nodding once before shooting his hand to his belt to grab his laser pistol.

Before he could even unholster it, Dean Winchester was already rushing Ramiel, stabbing his blade, the First Blade, through Ramiel’s midsection. He heard Ramiel scream out his pain before Dean withdrew his sword and dropped Ramiel to the ground, motionless. Asmodeus yelled in anger and charged at Dean, only to have his throat slit as soon as he reached two feet away from the man.

Dean righted himself back into a fighting stance, eyes on Azazel as he started circling him again.

“I didn’t want to have to hurt you all,” he said, barely even huffing a little bit. “You gave me no choice, you know that. I won’t go back to Heaven. I won’t be made into a slave and a fighter again.”

Azazel looked to his dead brothers and shook his head, rage filling him. He raised his pistol and aimed for Dean’s head.

“You’ve given me no choice either,” he said. Before he could pull the trigger, he felt a searing pain in the hand he had on his pistol. When he brought it up to see what had happened, he saw that his gun was gone, and instead, a large chunk of his palm was gone along with his middle and ring finger.

“I must’ve heard you wrong,” Dean said. Azazel looked up from his hand to see the man holding his own pistol—a ray pistol. “Did I really hear you say that I didn’t give you a choice?”

“You… You shot me,” Azael said. He felt lightheaded and dazed. Everything had happened in such a short amount of time.

“Yeah.” Dean said, shaking his head and lowering his pistol. “I didn’t know Knights were so stupid.”

Azazel felt wetness drip down his arm and looked back to his hand to see himself bleeding profusely. This kind of wound was one that would probably mean amputation. Ray pistols were rare, but the deadly. Even if you were just grazed by the shot. Their ammo was toxic. Any shot from a ray pistol would slowly poison your body, shut down your minor organs first before attacking your major organs.

Azazel slowly lifted his head to stare at Dean. “You shot me, and you killed my brothers,” he said, trying to inconspicuously reach his good hand behind his back to grab his mini pistol.

“After we agreed to walk away,” Dean said. “You had the choice to walk away and prevent all this. But you didn’t. You tempted fate and now your brothers are dead and you will be, too.”

Azazel gripped the handle of his mini pistol and sneered. Dean didn’t know what was coming. Azazel was going to shoot him in the legs and then he was going to take the man to the SM and get paid handsomely. He could probably even be admitted into Heaven for bringing Dean Winchester back. That would be something; clean air, plenty of food and water, no radiation, and much, much more. Heaven was, well, heaven.

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” Azazel said, whipping his mini pistol out and aiming for Dean’s right leg first. Once again, though, before he could even pull the trigger, he felt the same searing pain in his good hand and his mini pistol dropped to the ground. _“Fuck you!”_ Azazel screeched, falling to his knees as he looked at Dean with utter hatred. He watched as Dean walked up to him, kneeling in front of him.

“You had the choice to walk away,” Dean said, looking deep into Azazel’s eyes. “All three of you had the choice to walk away. You didn’t take it, though. And now look what’s happened.”

Azazel snarled in defiance. _“Fuck,”_ he said, _“you.”_

“Look, man,” Dean said. “you threatened _me_. And threatening me doesn’t bode well for anyone. Because when you threaten me, you threaten my family, and when you threaten my family?” Dean’s eyes turned dark and Azazel felt fear—real, true, bone deep, fear—for the first time in his life. “There’s nothing in this godforsaken world that will stop me from protecting my family.”

Azazel watched as Dean stood up, his face a mask of neutrality, but his eyes ablaze and furious.

“I’m a forgiving person, but I won’t forgive an attempt on my life.” Dean slowly raised his ray pistol up to Azazel’s head. “I’ll see you in Hell,” He said, and then pulled the trigger.


	2. Chapter 2

Dean Winchester didn’t like killing people. Not even a little. However, out here, it was necessary sometimes. There were people—Knights, mostly—who threatened his entire way of life. Who, by threatening him, threatened his family and their safety. That was something Dean didn’t tolerate, because it was his father’s dying wish that Dean take care of them and their mother. Since his mom, Mary, had already been killed by a skitter bug, he couldn’t let his father down anymore than he already had.

And, well, it wasn’t like killing Knights didn’t do the Sinfuls a favor, either. Knights were kidnappers. Bounty hunters who took any Sinful they could. Hell, they took Dean’s father, John, as well as Dean back when he was sixteen. They came in the middle of the night and knocked John unconscious, tied him up and then loaded him and Dean up into their cargo cart, setting off for Heaven. Sam and Mary were left alone. Sam was only eight at the time, and Mary was pregnant with Adam. They wouldn’t get much in the way of payment for the two of them. Dean and John on the other hand, they were perfect specimens. Both healthy and well-fed. 

Once they got to Heaven, John was sold to the SM Corporation and Dean was entered into something the Sinless called an Auction. An event in which Sinless would bid on people kidnapped from the Waste and Borderlands. Whoever bid the highest, got the “item.” 

Dean was snatched up in an instant. He went for twelve darics. Apparently that was quite expensive for a slave in Heaven. Either way, that’s how much he was sold for and that’s it. He was sold and the family he had to service was… Well, they were monsters, really. 

The family was a standard family. Four people, a mother, a father, and two children: a boy and a girl. The children were little terrors and the parents were sadistic. Dean usually didn’t like to think about everything they made him do just for their own amusement, but sometimes it was hard not to. 

Right now was not one of those times, though, and Dean was able to push away the nightmares from his past and only focus on looting the Knights he’d just killed.

Dean grabbed the laser and mini pistol Azazel had had and stuffed it into his waistband. He knelt down by Azazel’s body and patted him down, searching for anything else that could be of use to him. After he found nothing more than a pouch of ringgits and a notebook filled with all the sales they’d made, Dean moved on to Ramiel, and then to Asmodeus, taking anything that would be of use to him. 

He ended up with another laser pistol, a fusion pistol, a dagger on Ramiel, another pouch of ringgits on Asmodeus. As he stood up, he couldn’t help but scoff when he thought about the whole ordeal that had just happened. These three idiots were supposed to be some of the scariest Knights out here, but Dean was underwhelmed. One thing that made him happy, though, was the fact the Prince Brothers had made quite the fortune kidnapping and selling Sinfuls to the SM Corporation and the Sinless families. Even better, Asmodeus kept a location marker in his bag that led Dean straight to where they kept those many ringgits. That fortune would do good in the hands of the less fortunate Sinfuls. 

Dean slung his saddle bag over his shoulders and sauntered over to his Impala. He strapped his bag to the vehicle and then swung his leg over to settle comfortably into the seat. 

The bartender from inside came out just as he started his Impala, scowling at Dean. 

“You gon’ leave this for me to clean up, boy?” he yelled, motioning to the three bodies lying on the ground. 

Dean dug into his saddlebag and pulled out the bigger pouch of ringgits. “Sorry, Bobby,” he said, tossing the sack of small spheres to Bobby. “I’ve already been gone six weeks. I need to get back home.” 

“You’ve been gone  _ six  _ weeks?” Bobby scoffed. “Boy, you’re lucky I like you or I’d be making you clean this mess up yourself.” 

“You’re lucky I like you, too, old man, or I’d be telling you to piss off,” Dean joked, smiling as Bobby laughed and shook his head, pointing for him to get himself home. 

~~~

When darkness fell, Dean was in the middle of the Desert. Seeing as the journey would take at least another few days, Dean opted to let his Impala cool down overnight. He stopped, set up camp and started a small fire he cooked dinner on. It wasn’t the smarted idea to keep the fire going while he slept, but the Desert could get quite cold and Dean really didn’t want to have to deal with that. 

Now, as the fire started dying and Dean still couldn’t get to sleep, he regretted not pushing through till morning because it was times like these that it got harder to stop himself from reliving the past. Memories of his time in Heaven scratched relentlessly at the walls of the box he kept them in. This always happened after an attack. He was always at his most vulnerable the few days after an attack. Being alone during that time was the worst. It meant he was the only one to distract himself, and he’d proven not to be the best at it. If he didn’t keep himself occupied, he could be sucked back into another attack. It had happened before, unfortunately. 

The one trick he’d learned that’d worked best was reciting small details from before he was kidnapped. 

Like, what his mother’s favorite dress looked like. 

_ The brown one. Covered her shoulders completely, sleeves that stop at her elbows, reaches her feet, embroidered at the waist. _

His father’s favorite meal. 

_ Slow-Cooked Ice Stoat and cooked fruit wrasse with a side of tecciambi moshrums. _

The color of his own bed. 

_ Orange.  _

Sam’s favorite color. 

_ Green.  _

Dean turned onto his back to stare up at the sky. Tonight the clouds were sparse, giving him a the best view of the stars he’d seen in years. Something he was grateful for. His mother used to take him out to the center of the settlement they lived in on nights like this and lay down with him. She’d tell him about the constellations and the myths and stories behind them. Mary was a natural storyteller and could always brighten Dean’s day. Whenever being out in the Wasteland got to him, Mary would tell him a story about the stars. The stories were always bright and colorful. They made Dean’s life colorful and bright. 

When he turned ten and John took him outside the limits of their settlement for the first time to teach him how to be a Hunter, Dean was horrified. He came back a day later crying because of what he’d seen. The mutants out there in the desert were terrifying. Mary had to hold him for hours to calm him while John explained what it was that Hunters did. 

_ “Dean, I should have warned you, I’m so sorry,” _ John had said to him as Mary rubbed his back.  _ “Hunters are people who kill those things and salvage what they can of their parts to sell for food and water. Water is especially rare out here, Dean. If you don’t have something to give for it, you’re not going to get it. A lot of people choose to work or trade for water, but others, like me, my father, my grandpa, my great grandpa—all the way to my great, great grandpa's great, great, great, grandpa were all Hunters. It’s how us Winchesters have supported our family for hundreds of years. It’s the family business.” _

From then on out, it got easier to go out with his father. Dean still had his mother to comfort him on the especially bad days, and he had his father to show him the ropes on the good ones. The more he went out, the better things got and the easier it was to stomach the disturbing things out beyond the safety of his settlement. 

Of course, when he turned fifteen, he and his father were kidnapped. Separated for two years before he was sold to the SM Corporation and made to be a fighter. That’s where he and his dad were reunited, but not for long. 

When Dean got to the arena, his father was in bad shape. Two years of fighting other people from the Wasteland had worn him down. That, and it wasn’t like fighters were fed well. They were all given one huge meal for them all to share and it was usually just the scraps from the Sinless’s meals. There was nowhere near enough food for all the fighter’s either. Being an arena fighter was kill or be killed even out of the arena. Every aspect of the life was fighting for life. 

John Winchester lasted another month before he was killed in a fight. Ripped apart, torn to shreds, used as a weapon, and thrown in every which direction before there was a winner of the fight declared. Dean watched it all happen and wouldn’t ever be able to forget the sight. Not for as long as he lived. The once strong and powerful man that was his father was reduced to less than nothing in the span of two years. 

Dean got his revenge, though. The fighter that won the fight his father was killed in was a good one. He was no match for Dean’s rage, experience, and dedication to keep the last promise he made his father, though. None of the other fighters were. They were all accustomed to fighting other humans, but Dean had been fighting mutants for four years before being kidnapped. Mutants were harder to kill than humans. 

It took Dean a year and a half to gain enough sponsors to get to fight the fighter that participated in killing his father. When he did, he didn’t hold back. 

 

_ The screams and cheers from the Sinless died away as soon as he entered the arena with the other eleven fighters. His attention was solely on the scrawny, frail looking man who called himself Alastair. That was the man that resembled everyone who killed his father and Dean was the man who was going to kill him.  _

_ The alarm sounded, alerting the fighters that the match was starting, and Dean lunged into action, grabbing the fighter to this left and snapping his neck. Six more fighters after the first were surprisingly easy to drop. This was supposed to be a match of the top fighters from the past quartern and Dean was exerting no more than when he was fighting the half dead warm up fighters.  _

_ To a small, sick part of himself that he hated… He was disappointed. This wasn’t more of a challenge than any other test he’d been forced to go through.  _

_ Dean grabbed for his eighth fighter, but the man was ripped away from him. Alastair had grabbed him and yanked the man’s head to the side. He let out a blood curdling, deep animalistic cry before biting into the man’s neck and ripping a chunk of skin out of the man. Dean could only watch as Alastair held the man steady, ripping him apart, piece by piece, with his teeth.  _

_ Dean could barely move. He wasn’t sure he was even breathing. What Alastair was doing… this man was more animal than human anymore. Alastair had been here so long he’d lost his humanity. Not that many people still had it in the arena anymore. It’d had to be abandoned by many in order to survive.  _

_ The thump from the victim of Alastair’s mauling dropping to the ground snapped Dean back into the fight.  _

_ Alastair was standing in front of him, smiling. Blood dripped down his chin and onto his chest. He crouched down like he was about to pounce at Dean, but he stopped just as his muscles tensed to jump. His smile faltered as he looked more deeply at Dean.  _

_ “Do I know you?” he asked. Dean shook the shock out of his body and threw himself back into his rage. He didn’t answer Alastair, clenching his fists instead. He readied himself for any attack Alastair would throw at him now, watching the animal like a hawk. “You look familiar, pretty boy,” Alastair said, cackling at Dean.  _

_ Dean steeled himself. He would not give Alastair  _ anything. 

_ Alastair straightened himself back up, his joints crunching and cracking as he moved. His smile widened and made his lips split open.  _

_ “I knew your father, didn’t I?” he asked. Hatred flared through Dean and he brought his fists up in front of him. “Oh, I  _ did _.” Alastair flicked his tongue out to swipe over his lips. “Did I kill him?” _

_ Dean gritted his teeth, keeping his eyes trained on every little move Alastair made.  _

_ “Or was I just the winner of the fight he died in?”  _

_ Dean still didn’t answer.  _

_ “You know it wasn’t personal,” Alastair said, “it’s just business. It’s what we’re meant to do. Our job.”  _

_ That’s a lie. No one was meant for this fate. This  _ ‘job’  _ was worse than Hell itself.  _

_ “No hard feelings?” _

_ Dean still stayed silent.  _

_ “Fine.” Alastair crouched back down and took his attack position. He and Dean started circling each other. Dean could see Alastair’s muscles tensing and flexing as he readied himself to attack. “You’ll die without any closure,” Alastair snarled, readying himself to launch at Dean.  _

_ Before he could move, Dean swung his fist out, connecting it with Alastair’s jaw and making his head snap to the side. Blood spewed out of Alastair’s mouth as he stumbled away from Dean, trying to find his footing at the same time. He yelled out in anger, righting himself and a moment later he spit a something out his mouth. Dean figured it to be a tooth, but didn’t dwell on it.  _

_ He stepped closer to Alastair, moving quietly, keeping silent and getting ready to attack again. Alastair’s gaze was fixed on the ground where he’d spit.  _

_ “You…” he whispered to himself, growling as he turned back to Dean. “You made me lose a fucking too—” _

_ Dean cut Alastair off with another powerful punch. This time, his head snapped to the other side and the man went sprawling to the ground. Dean registered somewhere in his brain that the crowd almost collectively gasped at their favorite fighter being beaten down. The gross part of himself was proud. Proud he could do something apparently so shocking to such a great number of people. The rest of him hated himself that much more.  _

_ Alastair spit out more blood as he pushed himself onto his hands and knees. Dean noted that Alastair’s limbs shook as he did it, too.  _

_ “You’re a lot stronger than you look, pretty boy,” Alastair said hoarsely, staring up at Dean from the ground. Dean jerked his chin up, silently telling Alastair to get up. He wanted Alastair to fight back. He wanted to prove to the thing that killed his father he was worthy. Killing Alastair while he was on the ground and after only two punches? Dean didn’t find that conquering this challenge would be worth his time of it was over so quickly. So, he thought he’d better make this fight worth his time.  _

_ Alastair sneered at him as he stood up, spitting out more blood once he was on his feet. “Don’t be like that,” he said. “Don’t be a hero. There are no heroes! Not me, not you, not your fath—” _

_ Dean jolted into action and roundhouse kicked Alastair in the stomach, spinning back around to give him a vicious uppercut to the chin as he was doubled over. Alastair fell back from the third punch, onto his ass first and then down the rest of the way till his head went slamming into the ground. Dean couldn’t help but shake his head. He thought Alastair would’ve been more of a challenge. Here they were, though.  _

_ Dean kneeled over Alastair’s body, pressing a knee into each of his forearms. Alastair’s Head lolled to the side and he coughed up some blood, gasping to catch the breath that had been knocked out of him. He grunted and groaned as he struggled to kick Dean off him.  _

_ Dean leaned down into Alastair’s face. “I thought you would’ve been more a challenge,” he sneered. “But now I realize that all you’re good at is scaring people.”  _

_ Alastair made some gurgling sounds at Dean.  _

_ “Maybe you used to be a good fighter,” Dean continued, digging his hand into Alastair’s hair to wrench his head forward. “But you’ve been coasting on your reputation.”  _

_ Fear shone in Alastair’s eyes and Dean reveled a bit too much in the surge of power it gave him. He couldn’t help the sick pride that rose up in him and it urged him to end this.  _

_ Dean swiftly flipped Alastair over and wrapped his arm around the animal’s neck. He used his other hand to grab the top of his head, settling himself before he dug his knee into Alastair’s back and began pulling up.  _

_ Decapitating him—ripping Alastair’s head from his shoulders was quite easy, actually. It didn’t take much.  _

_ The crowd was completely silent as Dean tossed Alastair’s head over his shoulder while he walked towards the gate to the underbelly of the arena. They couldn’t comprehend that their favorite fighter had just been defeated. Executed, in the bloodiest and most gruesome way, right in front of them.  _

_ It wasn’t until Dean heard the creaking of the gate lowering behind him that he heard the first of their cheers begin.  _

_ “ _ Cham-pi-on! _ ” They screamed, “ _ Cham-pi-on! Cham-pi-on! _ ”  _

_ Dean broke into two pieces at that moment. The part of him he loved most, the part that was still good shattered at what he’d just done. The other part he loathed most about himself couldn’t help but puff out his chest. That dark part of himself almost took over and swept himself back under the gate before it closed to go back into the arena. To see it’s adoring fans cheering for it. Give them a little show of how great it was.  _

_ Dean didn’t let himself be controlled by that grotesque version of himself. It had been created by those monsters out there in the stands and wasn’t  _ him _.  _

_ Those assholes in the stands weren’t his fans. They didn’t love him. Even the dark part of himself knew that. They only saw him as entertainment. He was just a product to bet and watch be mangled into the same monster Alastair had become. Yeah, it would happen to Dean, too. He knew it would if he didn’t get out.  _

_ “You did good out there,” one of the older fighters said, clapping Dean on the back as he stood at the entrance to the arena. “You did real good, kid. You’re their new favorite. You’ll make a lot of them rich.”  _

_ Dean slowly turned his head to look at the old man, a shadow passing over his face as he spoke. “I’m done fighting.” _

_ The old man laughed, clapping Dean on the shoulder again as he limped away. “Good luck with that, kid,” he said.  _

_ He wasn’t facing Dean, so he didn’t see the look that set itself into his features. If he did, he would know that that look meant Dean knew what he was saying and he meant it. That look meant that Dean was getting out.  _

 

“Fuck me,” Dean hissed, jumping up onto his feet and circling around the small fire he’d made earlier. “Fuck this.” He kicked the ground and threw his fists out at the air in front of him. “Fuck that!” 

The memory of killing Alastair was simultaneously his favorite and his most loathed. On one hand, it reminded him of the justice he got for his father. On the other hand, it stood for everything he hated about himself. 

He liked ripping those people apart. Everyday he got more and more satisfaction from killing and torturing other fighters. He was just so angry all the time. Angry that he was kidnapped from his happy life. That his father was killed. That the Sinless thought making people murder and be murdered was okay. Dean was angry about everything and he liked taking it out on anything he could. Sometimes he thought that was the only reason he’d survived in there, and was still… More or less, himself. 

“Fuck everything!” Dean yelled, kicking over his cup of water. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” 

What was Sam’s favorite game to play when he was a toddler? He closed his eyes and tried to recall what that stupid game was Sam liked so much.

_ That one game with the square pieces of paper. They had numbers on them and Sam said you had to match them up with their pair by asking your opponent if they had it.  _

What was mom’s favorite saying to end history lessons with? 

_ We always progress; always move forward. We shouldn’t follow in the footsteps of our ancestors, Dean. Don’t forget those steps, though. They could lead you out of a dark cave when you’re lost.  _

What about dad? What was his favorite thing to say after returning from a hunt?

_ Forwards and onwards, Dean, forwards and onwards.  _

Dean clenched his fists and stood his ground, steeling himself right where he was. He took in the sounds of the desert and the hum in the air. 

_ Forwards and onwards. _

What happened in Heaven was behind him. 

_ Always progress. Always move forwards. _

Dean would do just that. He would push forward, forget the years he was in Heaven and live his life now. 

Everything would turn out okay. 


	3. Chapter 3

Morning came faster than Dean thought it would. Not fast enough, in his opinion, but that was neither here nor there. 

As soon as the sun rose, Dean got up and started boiling a small amount of water. He’d gotten this dark powder that, when mixed into water or the cream from the woodbane thistles in the west Wastelands, was called  _ coppa. _ It came from the the settlers in Kimmis Point, and they’d showed him how to make it. The powder could be put into either hot or cold water or cream and then stirred until it was dissolved. After that, it was ready to be drunk. 

Dean preferred it in water. Coppa was always bitter tasting no matter what you mixed it in, but in water it was more bitter than in cream. Dean liked strong tastes. After he got back to his brothers and mom in the Wasteland, Dean had found his taste buds were shot. He couldn’t taste anything unless it almost hurt to put it in your mouth. 

Even as a kid, though, he always preferred the spicy taste of tea-smoked abbiacot to the savory taste of fire-roasted crown birman. Both were good dishes, but Dean liked the the tea-smoked abbiacot more because it, quite literally, stung the first moment you put it in your mouth because of the smokiness to the meat. Whereas fire-roasted crown birman was good, but it was, for lack of a better word, neutral. Tasty and nice, but there was no tooth hurting sweetness to it or mouth burning spiciness or even a dehydrating saltiness to the dish. 

Extremes are what Dean needed to put something in his mouth. That’s why he liked coppa so much, now that he’d been introduced to it. The bitterness of putting twice the powder into water and mixing until everything was dissolved made his teeth and jaw ache. 

It made him happy to know since he could still taste some things he wasn’t completely broken…

Dean finished up his breakfast and then packed up, saddling his Impala with all of his equipment and goods. He mentally made a list of everything he’d need to do on his way back home. 

First, stop by Kinsak Hills to drop off his new catch of food and the extra water he had for the orphaned children living at the seminary. The vegetables he’d also managed to get for them would last until his next attack would come, if not longer. 

Second, drop in to Terk Valley and trade the jewels he found while out and see what they were worth. While there, he could grab some more ember licorice and river anise. Maybe he’d have enough ringgits to even get some hisskey to replenish his own stash. Or he could get ozone; last he remembered Sam and Adam were running out, and was rare to find each ingredient for it out here in the Wasteland. In Terk Valley, they had vials upon vials of the antiseptic and it was always a good idea to have some on hand.

Third, go to Wuwum Heights to stay for a day. There, he would do inventory and then go to the armory and get more ammunition. He’d probably sell the pistols he’d gotten from the Prince Brothers since he didn’t need them. Once you got a ray pistol, all others really didn’t seem worth the trouble. After that, he’d look around the market for anything needed to replenish before moving on. 

Fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, all the way to eleventh, was to stop in at various camps and see who needed help. Dean knew there was a family in Boulderfall that always could use some more food and water. The parents were basically rabbits, really, and had more kids than they could take care of. Dean didn’t care much for the parents because they didn’t try especially hard to care for their kids, but Dean liked the children quite a bit and wanted to make sure they were as well as they could be. 

All in all, the trip would take another week before he got home, but that was probably for the best. After what happened last night with the memory of Alastair… Dean could use another few days to really shake off the nerves from that episode. 

So, Dean set off. 

It took him all morning to reach Kinsak Hills. When he got there, the first thing he saw was a flash of red before he heard his name being called. 

“Dean! Dean, you’re back!” Anna, a small red haired girl that Dean knew had a sort of crush on him, said, jumping up and down in front of him. Dean smiled and knelt down, letting the girl fling her arms around his neck. He wrapped his arms around her, too, and hoisted her up. 

“Anna!” He said, hugging her tightly and kissing her forehead. “I missed you, kiddo. How have you been?” 

“Good!” She chirped, smiling wide. “I lost another tooth!” 

Dean gasped, and shook his head in disbelief. “No, you did not!” 

“Yeah! See, look!” Anna opened her mouth wide and pointed to the empty spot in her mouth where her top right canine used to be. Dean ducked his head to see and smiled at the new tooth he saw starting to poke through. 

“I can already see the new tooth,” he said, smiling as Anna giggled loudly. She buried her face in Dean’s shoulder to hide her blush and Dean couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled out of his mouth. 

“Dean’s here!” Dean heard someone scream. There was a collective moment of silence before the sound of dozens of small feet came running towards Dean and Anna. 

“Dean!” Claire and Emma yelled at the same time, twins who’d been dropped off here at the seminary a few years ago. Dean had a special place in his heart for the two of them. Claire was feisty and sarcastic, while Emma had her moments, but she was much calmer and reserved. Dean wouldn’t say she was smarter, but she thought things through more than Claire did. Claire was impulsive and Emma was exhaustive. 

Dean heard many more cries of his name from other kids as they all swarmed over to him. He greeted them, one by one, name by name. A few new faces greeted him, so Dean committed their names to memory, too. 

After the initial excitement from the kids seeing Dean calmed a little, Lisa, the seminary’s headmistress, came out and ushered everyone back inside to the playground. Lisa motioned for Dean to follow her and he did, sitting down next to her on a nearby bench. He looked out at all the kids playing and smiled softly, taking comfort in the familiar sight of happiness. 

“How have you been, Dean?” Lisa asked. 

“Same old, same old,” he said, “you know. Hunting, gathering, protecting Sam and Adam.” 

“Really? Nothing new to report?” She asked. 

Dean shrugged. “I ran into the Prince Brothers yesterday.” 

“Oh my god,” Lisa gasped, shooting her hand out to grip Dean’s bicep. “Are you okay? What happened? What did they want?” 

“Whoa, Lisa, calm down,” Dean said, stretching his arm out around her and hugging her to his side. “I’m okay. I’m here, now, aren’t I? I took care of them.”

“Well,” Lisa said, chewing her bottom lip nervously. “Yes, but… I mean,  _ how _ did you take care of them? Is there the possibility that they followed you? And if they did, do they know about the seminary now? Should I move or something? Just to be on the safe side—” 

“They didn’t follow me,” Dean said, frowning as he looked out at the wooden play structures the kids were climbing on. “They’re dead.” 

Lisa stayed silent for a long while before answering. “Oh.” 

Dean glanced at her out of the corner of his eye and quirked an eyebrow, nodding his head to himself. “I didn’t want to, you know. I really didn’t have a choice. The approached me, I let them grab me and then I incapacitated them and gave them a choice to walk away. To leave me alone and never come for me again. Tell no one they saw me, all that. But they didn’t take it. So—” 

“You did what you had to,” Lisa said, giving Dean a grateful smile. “Even if they took your deal, I still would have wished you’d killed them. They’re the most notorious Knights there are. They’ve kidnapped so many people… I hate admitting this, but some people just don’t deserve to be alive. Not when they have such sick and twisted souls.” 

Dean turned to Lisa then, studying her profile. “Hey,” he said after a while, squeezing her comfortingly. “I agree.” 

Lisa turned back to him, leaning into his side and resting her head on his shoulder. 

“How are Sam and Adam doing?” she asked quietly. Dean kissed the top of her head, smiling to himself. 

“I’d assume they’re good,” he said, shrugging the shoulder Lisa’s head wasn’t on. “I haven’t been home in about six weeks, but if nothing drastic has changed in that time, then, you know, same old, same old.” 

“Six weeks?!” Lisa exclaimed, sitting up straight and looking at him incredulously. “That’s over forty days, Dean! What the hell happened?” 

“Alright, alright!” Dean shushed Lisa, quickly glancing out at the kids to make sure they didn’t start getting curious. “Nothing serious happened,” he said, rubbing at the back of his neck nervously. “Just… Bad memories.” 

“Oh,” Lisa whispered, her face turning sympathetic. “It was the anniversary of when you were—”

“Yeah,” Dean interrupted. He didn’t want it to be said out loud. Saying it out loud would solidify it all over again and he didn’t want that. “It was rough. Slept a lot, stayed up a lot, broke a lot of things, killed a lot of mutants, you know the drill.” 

“I’m sorry, Dean,” Lisa said. She cupped his face then, bringing him closer so she could kiss his cheek. “I know it’s hard, but you’re doing great.” 

Dean smiled. “Thank you,” he said, giving her another small squeeze. “I appreciate that.” 

“Of course,” Lisa said. Dean looked out at the kids playing, a soft smile fixing itself on his face for the time being. He settled in the comfortable silence between himself and Lisa for a while before asking about the new kids. 

Krissy Chambers, Aidan Rogers, and Josephine Barnes all came at the same time from the same small camp out in the borderlands, but from three different families. Each of their parents had been killed by the same mutant. Lisa said that the camp had been plagued by the mutant for months, but it’d only take their livestock. One night, things changed and it just went crazy. Killed almost everyone in the camp and left a trail of blood in its wake. Krissy, Aidan, and Josephine were some of the only survivors. 

Danny Carter came of his own accord. He’d been living with a family that wasn’t the nicest to him, and one day he just left. Came to Kinsak Hills all by himself and found Lisa and the other teachers. 

Ellie Grant was abandoned by her parents here, although she seemed happy to be rid of them. She’d apparently told Lisa that they weren’t ever around and she was the one who’d really raised herself. 

Lily Sunders was the last of the new kids. She was older than the others, sixteen, maybe, and was here because she’d been sent from family to family to family in Lamlaf Vale before she’d finally hitched her way here. 

After a little while longer of talking, Lisa stretched and stood up. “C’mon, it’s about meal time,” she said. “We still have some of the meat and vegetables you brought us last time, but we’ve been getting down to the last bit.” 

“Well, it’s a good thing that I brought you some more,” Dean said, nudging her as they walked. 

“I guess it it,” Lisa said, giving Dean another big smile before turning to the playground and yelling, “Kids, it’s meal time!” 

There were shouts of varying excited responses before the kids started running over to the doorway Dean and Lisa were at. Dean held the door open as they filed in and Lisa kept reminding them to wash their hands before sitting down to eat. As the last of the kids filed in, Dean took a look out to make sure everyone was in. He saw that one of the new kids still sitting on one of the swings and told Lisa to go on ahead, he’d see what was wrong with the little boy, Danny. 

Dean made his way over to the kid slowly, stomping his feet a little too hard in order to make more noise than he really needed to. He just wanted to alert the kid that he was coming and not scare him at the last second. Danny’s head twitched as Dean got closer and Dean saw the flash of amber from his eyes. 

“Hey,” Dean said, coming up to squat down in front of Danny. “You okay, buddy?” 

“Yeah,” Danny said. His voice shook as he said the word, though, and Dean knew that Danny was not, in fact, okay. 

“Hey,” Dean said again, nudging Danny’s foot with his hand. “I won’t force you to talk, Danny, but I’ll listen if you want to talk.” 

Danny met Dean’s eyes, a sort of shocked look on his face. “You remember my name?” he asked. Dean frowned in confusion. 

“Yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t I remember it?” he asked. Danny looked away again, picking at his nails. 

“My dads never remembered my name,” he said. Dean saw him dig his nails into his palm so hard, bright red bloomed when he took his nails away. 

“Well, Danny, I’m not your father,” Dean said, reaching out to grab Danny’s hand. He paused before he touched the kid, silently asking for permission. Danny took a second and then he placed his hand into Dean’s. Dean gave his hand a gentle squeeze and he reached into his pocket and got out his last packet of ozone. “I don’t know any of your dads, but that’s a jerk move to not remember your name.” 

“No one had ever remembered my name until I came here, but the men were always the worst,” Danny said. “I was just someone to get them more food and drink.” 

“That’s disgusting,” Dean said, genuine anger rising in him at Danny’s words. “You don’t deserve that.” 

“Really?” Danny asked, his voice barely above a whisper. 

“Of course you do,” Dean said, reaching into his bag and pulling out some gauze. Danny was quiet while Dean dressed his wound, and only spoke again when Dean was done. 

“Thank you,” he said, “and I’m sorry.” 

Dean looked up at Danny, frowning and furrowing his eyebrows. “For what?” 

“When you first got here, I wished you gone,” Danny said, “I was scared you’d be just like all the other grown men I’ve met and I didn’t want you here. I prayed to the Gods that you would just drop off what you came to drop off, and then leave.” 

“Danny, you don’t need to be sorry for that,” Dean said, putting his hand on Danny’s shoulder. “You’ve been hurt, and it’s okay to be wary of someone new. Especially if that someone looks just like those that have hurt you in the past.” 

Danny just barely looked up at Dean, still frowning a bit. “I guess,” he said. Dean pursed his lips in thought for a few quick moments before reaching into his pocket one last time. 

“I’ve got something I need to be kept safe,” he said, taking the small pouch of stones and placing it gently in Danny’s hand. Danny tugged open the pouch and peered inside. 

“What are they?” He asked. 

“Runes.” 

“What do they do?” Danny dug into the bag and pulled out one of the smooth rectangular stones to inspect it. 

“Legend says they keep you protected from bad stuff,” Dean said. Danny flicked his eyes up to Dean’s for a moment. “They’re not worth much, but they’re priceless to me. Do you think you can keep them safe?” 

A smile broke out on Danny’s face and he nodded enthusiastically. Dean smiled back, about to thank him when Danny threw his arms around his neck and hugged him tight. 

“Thank you, Mr. Winchester,” he said as he pulled back. Dean nodded to him, pulling him up from the swing as he stood up. 

“C’mon, kid. It’s time for food,” he said. Danny happily skipped to the dining hall door. Dean watched him go, smiling to himself and following until they were both sitting down at one of the tables. 


	4. Chapter 4

After midday meal time and dropping the food and water in the kitchen, leaving the seminary took a long while. Just under two hours, if Dean’s timepiece was correct. There were quite a bit of tears from the kids and a lot of hugs, but Dean managed to get out with only shedding a few tears himself. He wished he could stay longer, but he really needed to get on to Terk Valley to trade the jewels he’d found and to get more spices, alcohol, and ozone. 

That trip would take much less time; probably only an afternoon and then Dean could be on his way to his next stop. 

~~~

In Terk Valley, Dean found that the jewels he’d collected earned him quite the sum of ringgits. Enough so that Dean was able to get a few extra spices and some herbs he knew both Sam and Adam liked on their food. He got a few bottles of hisskey, and more than enough ozone for both him, to have on the road, and for Sam and Adam, to have at home. 

Dean stayed the night in Wuwum Heights and did inventory of everything he’d need to get at the market for the next time an attack would come. As for foods and crops, he needed some more slayala; wrapotili; fire cherries; fennelite; aromatoes; rosemortis; astriflower bread; amber limes; and ginger bombe; and di bean, hennonut, cave leek, sorrow lavender, sun pea, and moshrums. Then herbs and spices for cooking, he needed tilameg, river basil, ocunder, and pygmy garlic. Material-wise, Dean also needed to get some more leather, cotton, and wool for the furniture he broke or tore or ripped while in a rage at his cabin. 

The next day, Dean went to the armory first and sold the pistols he’d taken off the Prince Brothers first, and then he went to the market and bought everything he needed to stock up on. When he was sure he got everything, he made his way back to the armory and stocked up on ammunition. Dean even bought another handcrafted dagger. Rufus, the armory owner, was a master crafter and the dagger he showed Dean was beautiful. Made from silver and serrated along the sharp side of the blade. It’d be a bitch to be stabbed with, so, naturally, he needed it. 

After the armory, Dean took one last round through the market before packing up and moving on to stop in the camps between Wuwum Heights and his home settlement, Rence Woods. 

Camp Matlock was first. There were maybe forty people living there, so giving them food and water was easy. Next was Lutton, with a population of a hundred or so. Then, Conriston, with a little over one hundred and fifty people. Rochdale, Anghor Wat, Sanlow, Emelle, and then Olham, were next; all ranging with a population from thirty to seventy people. After that, it was Boulderfall to see the family with the parents who did nothing but fuck. Lastly, there were two more camps Dean could stop in for a short while before heading home. 

All the camps would take about two days to get through, and then Dean would be home. 

~~~

Dean was right. Not to be curt, but he was right. He got to Matlock first, spent barley an hour there before moving onto Lutton, then Conriston, Rochdale, Anghor Wat, and Sanlow. Emelle took a bit longer because they, too, had just been attacked by a mutant and Dean spent some time helping cleaning up. After that, though, he got to Olham, and then Boulderfall. 

While in Boulderfall, Dean learned that the family he knew there had had another kid. They’d named him Aaron and he was a very handsome child, but Dean didn’t think he’d make it. He was underweight, underfed, and dehydrated. Even he did make it to an appropriate weight and got a good diet, he was also underdeveloped. 

Maybe if the parents took an interest in their children, Aaron would make it, but as it was, the parents were already occupied with each other again. 

Dean quietly took the oldest aside, Naomi, and told her for what seemed to be the hundredth time that she should go to the seminary in Kinsak Hills, or at least take the younger kids there because they were all suffering, yes, but the littler ones needed the support more than the older. Hester only said that she’d think about it. Which meant that she would give it maybe a passing thought and then move on to the backbreaking work that was to take care of her family. 

~~~

Rence Woods wasn’t as big as Kinsak Hills or Terk Valley. By all measurements, it shouldn’t be on the map as a settlement. Dean was glad it was, because it meant that more people passed through and kept him and his brothers more anonymous than if they actually were in a camp. 

Rence Woods had quite an accurate name. The buildings were made from wood, the courtyards and plazas were made from wood, the bridges connecting the buildings and plazas and courtyards were made from wood, everything even down to the cups were made from wood. 

John said that that wasn’t why Rence Woods was names Rence Woods, though. Not because everything was made from wood. It was named Rence Woods because the entire town was elevated off the ground. John said it was all built on platforms to ‘symbolize trees’. Whatever that meant. And whoever’s idea it was to elevate the city? Not the best choice, really. 

Not that it mattered, of course. Rence Woods was a fine place to live, so having it elevated off the ground wasn’t a deterring factor. The people were nice and the location wasn’t near any other major settlements, so there was a sort of privacy for the people living there, but there was still a metropolis-likeness to the settlement that meant they got traffic. 

It was home to Dean, Sam, and Adam. 

When Dean finally set foot into the settlement limits, he could instantly feel himself smiling. The air always smelled so sweet and clean here. That may have been one of the things that Dean liked most about Rence Woods. 

Well, that and the innkeeper, Frank Devereaux, that always alerted Dean when anyone suspicious came through. Most of the time it was Knights, but sometimes it would be these people that called themselves Lancers. Dean wasn’t sure what they were really, but they always asked for him. When that happened, Dean stayed inside until they passed. No one knew he lived here, and he wanted to keep it that way. 

It was safer for him and for Sam and Adam if no one knew they were here. The people of Rence Woods knew that, too, and were kind enough to keep their mouths shut when asked about him or his brothers. Part of Dean guessed that they only kept that secret because they were scared of him, but it may also have been because they genuinely cared about him and his brothers, too.

Dean shook himself out of his thoughts and hoisted his pack over his shoulder again, making his way through the settlement and to his house. He noticed that his neighbors wouldn’t make eye contact with him, and when they did they would immediately look away. 

The odd behavior set him on edge and made him walk faster through the settlement. The people further worried him as they seemed to part to the very edges of the platforms or bridges as he passed. Dean could feel anxiety and fear bubbling up inside him the closer he got to his house. He found himself even praying to who-the-fuck-ever was listening that he was just seeing things. 

By the time he got to the last bridge he needed to cross, he was just about sprinting to his front door. He dropped his keys in his fumble to get them into his front door and ended up kicking the door in. 

“Sam!” He shouted. “Adam!” 

No answer came to him and Dean dropped his pack in the living room, darting to the kitchen and then to Sam’s room, Adam’s room, then his own room at the other end of the house. 

“No, no, no,” He muttered to himself, checking every room again. “This can’t be… This can’t be happening. This  _ can’t  _ be happening.  _ This  _ can’t be…  _ No!”  _

Dean ran back into the living room and started towards the door. It had drifted close and Dean was able to see a white sheet of parchment tacked up there. 

He marched up to the sheet, swearing to everyone and everything in the entire world that he would tear whoever took his brothers’s throat out  _ with his teeth.  _ There would be no stone left unturned in his search for them and he vowed to make the people responsible for Sam and Adam’s kidnapping wish their great, great, great, great,  _ great _ grandparents were never born. 

Dean ripped the paper off his door and held it in  front of his face, reading fast and angrily. 

 

_ “Dear Mr. Dean Winchester,  _

 

_ Your brothers are safe. I want you to know right off the bat that your brothers are safe and will remain safe. They are with me and my people, well fed, unbruised or cut, and in one piece.  _

_ As I know you are highly protective of them, I want you to come see them. The only condition I have is that you see me first and listen to my deal.  _

_ If you accept those terms, go to the White Water Saloon in your settlement and find the man with the pin with the symbol drawn at the bottom of the page. Ask him to take you to headquarters and you will see your brothers again after you’ve listened to my deal.  _

 

_ Thank you, _

_ Leader of the Lancers, CN.” _

 

Dean looked at the drawing to see what looked to be a pentagram on top of a sun. He committed that to memory and then crumpled the paper, flinging the door open and striding to the tavern in the letter. It wasn’t the saloon he usually went to because the other one was closer than this one, but he’d been in there maybe one or two times so he knew exactly where to go. 

All he saw on his way there was red. His neighbors still wouldn't look at him, but now they blatantly made a point to stay out of his way. Apparently being the most feared Hunter had its perks. 

When Dean got to the saloon, he immediately started looking around for the man with the sun and pentagram pin. To his luck, he didn’t need to search long. Dean found him at the very back of the saloon in a booth with his head down, like he was sleeping. That only angered Dean more and he strode over to the man, grabbing him by the front of his shirt and yanking him up out of his seat. 

“Where are they?!” Dean boomed in the man’s face. “Take me to them now!” 

“Mr. Winchester, please—” 

Dean snarled and cocked his fist back. If this man didn’t agree to take Dean to his brothers right this second, he would start getting violent. 

Before Dean had a chance to tell the man this, he felt a sharp pinch in the back of his neck and a second later he started feeling woozy. He dropped the man and turned around, his vision blurring and knees becoming weak. In front of him, he saw a blurry woman with fiery red hair and a needle and syringe in her hand. 

“What the…” Dean groaned, taking a staggering step forward. He saw the redhead's mouth open and close like she was saying something, but Dean didn’t hear anything. Darkness was edging at his vision and the ceiling of the saloon stared back at him. This was a completely new sensation to Dean. Completely disorientating. 

He blinked once and when he opened his eyes, the two people in the saloon were standing over him. 

Dean tried to say, “What did you do to me?” He wasn’t certain he got it out of his mouth, though, because he could barely feel even his toes, let alone his lips. Darkness was quickly taking over his vision, despite how hard he was fighting for it to not. It was a losing battle, though, and sooner than he would’ve liked, the darkness finally overcame him. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If there are any references to robots here, please let me know so I can fix that. That from an older version of this story I changed.

Dean’s eyes didn’t open his eyes when he woke up. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so rested and wanted this to last a little bit longer. There hadn’t been any nightmares or memories that he could remember having plagued him while he slept. He was comfortable. So comfortable he was almost able to drift back to sleep. He would’ve, too, if not for the humming that registered in his brain.

The events of the night prior slammed back into him and Dean jolted up into a sitting position. He got a head rush as he righted himself, but he ignored it in favor of looking around his surroundings.

All he saw was four cement or stone walls around him, a cot underneath himself, and chains on the the cot next to himself. He registered the dull ache in his wrists then and brought them up to see that there were shackles around them.

 _Great,_ Dean thought to himself. _Just great._

He dropped his hands back down to his sides and leaned his head back, closing his eyes as he assessed his predicament.

The chains weren’t long, so he didn’t have full range to move about this room—this cell, really, because wasn’t he a prisoner at the moment? If the chains were anything to go by. No door probably meant that there was a part of the wall that opened to be the door.

Whoever was keeping him here wanted to keep him disoriented because the room didn’t have windows. Which also meant there was vent somewhere pumping in air.

Stone walls could mean a few things. First—

Dean’s thoughts were interrupted by a loud noise and then the sound of feet padding on the ground.

“Hello, Mr. Winchester,” someone said. Dean felt anger rise in him, but he kept calm and looked forward at whoever it was that spoke. A man with a lanky build, black hair, and bright blue eyes looked back at him. “Welcome to the Lancer Headquarters.”

Dean scoffed and looked around. “Kinda cramped, isn’t it,” he said, smiling to himself when the man’s shoulders sagged a bit.

“No, this isn’t—look, we’ll unchain you, but you have to promise you won’t act out or hit anyone,” the man said, taking a hesitant step forward. Dean quirked an eyebrow at him, taking a moment to think.

“Okay,” He said, after making the man wait for at least a minute. The man came over and brought out a key, shakily sticking it into one of the holes in Dean’s cuffs and unlocking it. He seemed tense and Dean smiled smugly at the thought that his reputation still made some people anxious.

As the man unlocked Dean’s second cuff, he made a move to quickly walk to the other end of the cell, but Dean lunged out and grabbed him roughly. He twisted the man’s arm behind his back and pushed him into the closest wall.

“Where is this ‘lancer leader’ guy, huh? I know you’re not him, so where is he?” Dean was only met with garbled noises that made his already razor thin patience wear thinner.

“Mr. Winchester!” A new voice yelled. Dean snapped his head over to see another man standing in the doorway. This one also had black hair and blue eyes, but he had a much firmer build and was stunningly handsome. “Please let him go. I am the leader here.”

Dean pulled the guy he had pinned against the wall away and gave him a slight shove before moving over to the leader, reaching out to grab him. As soon as he got within distance the leader pivoted and the next thing Dean knew, he was on his back, staring up at the ceiling.

“Look, Mr. Winchester, just as you are, I am not one to be trifled with and I ask you to not do anything rash,” he said, pushing Dean harder into the floor. Dean pushed back against him, but only gained a knee pressing into the side of his abdomen. “I do not want to put you in cuffs as I take you to your brothers, and I would think you wouldn’t want that either.”

Dean gritted his teeth, glaring at the ceiling, but mentally directing it at the leader of this place.

“Fine!” He huffed, shrugging the man away as he was let go. “Just take me to my brothers.”

“Inias, you may go, I’m sorry for what happened,” The leader said. Dean watched the first man, Inias, scurry out of the cell. “Well,” the leader began again, “I will take you to your brothers, but we had a deal, didn’t we?”

Dean looked at the devastatingly handsome man incredulously, “What in the hell are you talking about?”

The leader squinted and tilted his head at Dean. “Did you not even read the note I left you?” he asked, “I blatantly said that if you want to see your brothers you have to come to me first. I have a… Proposition, for lack of a better word, for you.”

Dean stared at the man. “What?”

“Come with me.” The man led Dean out of his cell and down a narrow hallway filled with doors that looked to be entrances to other cells like the one Dean had been in. “I know you must be quite confused, so let me explain,” he said, “My name is—”

“I could not give less of a care what your name is,” Dean interrupted. “What is this place? _Where_ is this place?”

“We’re underneath Purgatory Island,” the man said, totally unphased by Dean’s rudeness. “Have you heard of it?”

“Yes,” Dean hissed. “I’d’ve had to have been living under a rock not to have heard of it. It’s the most radiated place on the planet. You can’t be on the ground for more than an hour or you’ll die from radiation exposure.”

The man glanced back at Dean and nodded as they turned a corner into a larger hallway. “Yes,” he said. “That’s where we are. As for _what_ we are, I guess you could call us a rebels. People who believe we’re being treated unfairly by the SM and Heaven’s citizens.”

“Heaven citizens got nothing to do with how we’re treated. They think we’re fine out here,” Dean said, eyeing a small trio of people suspiciously as him and the leader passed them.

“Regardless, we believe we’re being treated unfairly and we want justice,” the leader said. Dean stopped walking and stared at the man’s back for a good ten seconds before shaking his head in disbelief.

“You want justice? What is that supposed to mean? You want reparation?” Dean laughed. “I hate to tell you, but that’s not going to happen. The SM won’t be giving you anything.”

The leader turned to look Dean dead in the eye. “Then we’re prepared to take it for ourselves.”

Dean barked out a laugh at that. Take it for themselves? The SM would crush them. They wouldn’t even be able to get through the walls to Heaven.

“Sure,” Dean said, shaking his head. “You do that.”

“You don’t think we can?”

Dean laughed again. “Not without special help.”

“How do you mean?”

“Look, you don’t know anything about the SM or his corporation,” Dean explained, shrugging as the two of them walked side by side. “You have no idea what you’re up against.”

“I agree,” the leader said. “That's where you come in.”

 

“No,” Dean said, “I won’t help you. I won’t join your rebellion.”

“Dean,” the leader said, sighing. “We’ve been at this for years. We have a plan and everything. We have a chance at taking down the SM, but we can’t do it without you.”

“I will not help you,” Dean said again. “Where are my brothers? We need to leave now.”

“Dean, please, let me show you what we have—”

A loud alarm blared, cutting the leader off. It was the same kind of alarm that sounded when a fight started in the arena, but this was the first time Dean had ever been thankful for the obnoxious sound.

“Dean! Stay here!” the leader yelled over the blaring. “We’re under attack.”

Dean watched as the leader ran off, joining up with a group of people rushing back down one of the halls Dean and the leader had just passed. Dean saluted mockingly to the leaders back and then ran off in a separate direction, looking left and right down hallways for anything that might help him find his brothers.

Eventually he came to a door labeled hangar and when he went through it, he was met with the sight of a large room with several different automobiles. All ranging from one person SD-Racers to seven person SD-Carts. It was like a mechanics dream garage.

“Hey Dean!”

Dean’s head snapped to see Sam jogging along with a group of people in uniform lines, all in gas masks and blue plastic jumpsuits.

“Sam?”

“Dean!”

Dean turned to see Adam a few rows behind Sam, waving.

“Glad you could make it! We were wondering when you’d get here,” Adam said. Dean’s mouth dropped open as the group of people with Sam and Adam mixed in them stopped in front of a lifting door.

“What the _hell_ are you two doing?” Dean yelled, watching as the lifting door started opening.

“We’re going out to fight the mutants,” Adam chirped, fixing his mask over his face and giving Dean one last wave before the entire group of people filed out through the lifting door. Dean watched for a moment, frozen in place as to what actually just happened.

Once Adam’s words sunk in, though, Dean bolted out the door after them, grabbing the long pistol from another one of  the men in blue suits before he ran after his brothers. He had to slide under the lifting door because it’d begun to close soon after the last row of men exited, but Dean didn’t care. His mind was on protection mode and all he could focus on was finding Sam and Adam and keeping them safe.

The lifting door led out to a tunnel that gradually inclined to where Dean assumed the topside of the island was. Where the mutants were, probably, attacking.

Dean ran as fast as he could, catching up to the group with Sam and Adam quickly.

“Sam, Adam!” Dean chastised, “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

Adam didn’t turn to look at him as he yelled back, “We’re keeping the base safe. What are you doing? You don’t have a suit or a mask. You could get radiation poisoning.”

“I don’t care about that!” Dean yelled, running faster to catch up with Sam. “What the hell is going on?” he asked.

“Mutants are trying to break into the base,” Sam explained, “they can sense our body heats.  We’ve been sent out to stop it.”

“Why are you and Adam out here?! You don’t know how to fight!” Dean yelled as they reached the top of the tunnel and began filing out.

“Yes we do! We’re being taught!” Sam said, breaking off to the right. Dean whipped around to see Adam break off to the left and Dean yelled in frustration. He looked around quickly and assessed what was attacking. There were a few skitter bugs, some corpsesnares and wropelaches, glinites, angories, and ketorats. All big, all hungry, all dangerous.

“Fucking hell!” Dean groaned, shaking himself and then charging into battle. He took out the glinites first. Those were probably the most dangerous. Then he took out the ketorat going after Adam and two other blue suited men. After that, he shot the wropelaches, skitter bugs, and corpsesnares. One by one, the mutants went down like flies as Dean shot them dead or the other people in blue killed them.

The angories were easiest to kill, so Dean left the men in blue suits to do that while he worked on shooting the ketorats going after the men.

“Dean watch out!” Sam yelled just as Dean turned and shot the last charging ketorat. Now there were just the skitter bugs left and the men in blue suits seemed to be fighting them just fine.

Dean ran over to Adam and grabbed him by the arm, dragging him over so he could grab Sam, too, and then get them back inside.

“Dean, let go!” Adam yelled. “We still have more mutants to fight!”

“No, they do,” Dean argued, “you and Sam are done.”

“Dean!” Adam ripped his arm from Dean’s grip and sprinted away to join the group of men fighting one of the skitter bugs. Dean growled in frustration and lifted his long pistol again, pulling the trigger three times and then lowering it as the bodies of the three remaining skitter bugs dropped to the ground, dead.

“Sam! Adam!” he barked. The two of them high fived and then joined the rest of their group of men in blue suits as everyone began down the tunnel again. Dean followed closely, keeping an ear out for any noises of a ketorat, because they were known to play dead only to get back up and attack again. Nothing met his ears, thankfully, and Dean was able to watch the lifting door close and be locked peacefully.

He turned to his brothers and took a little pride in the guilty looks on their faces.

“Dean,” Sam began, stepping forward to put his hand on Dean’s shoulder.

“What the hell?!” Dean exploded, tensing more and more as the men—and women, he could see now—from outside came and clapped him on the back, thanking him for his help. Sam and Adam opened their mouths to talk, but one look from Dean and they shut up. “I cannot believe what just happened,” Dean said, throwing his arms out. “What the fuck? What the actual fuck? You were kidnapped by these people, but you’re _helping_ them?”

Both Sam and Adam looked at Dean taken aback. “We weren’t kidnapped,” Adam said.

“We came here of our own accord,” Sam finished.

Dean pinched the bridge of his nose. _“What?”_

“Hello everyone,” Dean heard a familiar voice say. “You all did a great job out there.”

“Thanks, Cas,” Sam said.

“Did you see Dean? Did you see how he just took down those mutants like it was no big deal?” Adam gushed.

“I did,” Cas said, “but I think that Dean should probably go to the de-radiation chamber, now. You weren’t out there for long, but it’s better to be safe than sorry. I can take him.”

Dean started protesting, but Cas interrupted him.

“Jess and Kelly are in the cafeteria,” Cas said. “I bet they’d be glad to see you two are okay.”

Sam and Adam smiled their thanks to Cas before jogging off. Dean turned to Cas, putting all his fury and rage into his glare.

“What did you do to my brothers?” he asked through gritted teeth. “They _never_ would have agreed to be part of your doomed rebellion unless you did something to them.”

“Come with me, Dean,” Cas said, taking a step in the opposite direction that Sam and Adam had. “The de-radiation chambers are this way.”

Dean looked over to where his brothers had gone and almost told Cas to piss off before following them, but he could actually feel beginnings of sickness from the great amount of radiation he’d just been exposed to. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling, so he reluctantly followed Cas.

~~~

“My name is actually Castiel,” Castiel said, “but everyone calls me Cas. It’s easier.”

“Sure,” Dean grunted, leaning back in the comfy chair in the de-radiation chamber. It was basically just a glass tube with a chair in it that you go into and sit for an hour while the light above you sucks all the radiation out of your body. Castiel had explained it to him, and even though Dean had found it fascinating, he wouldn’t show it.

“Dean, you have to understand that Sam and Adam are here of their own free will,” Castiel said after a while of silence. “I came to your settlement to find you, but they were there instead and I explained to them why I wanted to talk to you. It was their idea to come back with me because they knew that you would never come here willingly.”

Dean snorted. “You got that right.”

“They believe in our mission,” Castiel said, stepping closer to the chamber Dean was in. “They believe that we can liberate the citizens of Heaven.”

Dean snorted again. “Those fucking assholes in Heaven are so far gone from being real humans. They have no idea what empathy is and they don’t want to know. Your fight is useless. There’s no beating them, the SM, or his corporation. You need to give up.”

“I disagree,” Castiel said. “There are millions of us out here in the Wasteland. More than there ever will be in Heaven. We can overwhelm them if we get enough people to join our cause, and once word spreads that you’ve joined, people will flock to us like birds going south for the wint—”

“I won’t join you,” Dean said, “your fight is useless.”

“Again, I disagree,” Castiel said. “I believe that we can liberate the Sinless—”

“You don’t seem to get it, Cas,” Dean hissed, sitting forward in his seat. “Those assholes don’t want to be liberated. They have everything they want in that sick and twisted paradise. Food, drink, entertainment, parties, sex, you name it.”

“Okay, well, so what? We won’t be liberating them, but we’ll be liberating ourselves. And Sam and Adam believe in that,” Castiel said. Dean rolled his eyes before closing them and settled back into his chair. “There has to be some part of you that wants to be saved, too.”

John flashed before Dean’s eyes. On his deathbed in the tunnels under the arena. _“There is no saving us, Dean. Not after what we’ve done—all we’ve killed. We’re demons, Dean. Demons.”_

Dean shook himself to get that out of his head.

“There is no saving,” he said. “I take care of myself and my family. That’s enough for me.”

“What about those who can’t take care of themselves?” Castiel stepped closer, pulling a metal chair out of nowhere and sitting down. “What do you think about them?”

Dean stayed silent, unmoving and unanswering for a long while. He often times felt guilt that he couldn’t save everyone, but his dad’s words always came back to remind him that that was just a Hunter’s burden. “They’re not my problem,” Dean said, his voice hard and full of conviction. Just like his father’s sounded when a hunt didn’t go so well.

“Not technically,” Castiel said, “no. But don’t you feel a little bit responsible for them because they can’t take care of themselves, they can’t protect themselves while you are more than adept at taking care of yourself and others?”

Dean cracked an eye to look at Castiel. “No,” he whispered, his stomach clenching at the lie that he just told. That’s another thing he didn’t like to do. Lie.

“Okay,” Castiel said. Something in his voice made Dean uneasy. Some emotion in his voice made Dean feel as though Castiel knew he was lying.

Something that made Dean’s heart hammer in his chest and a blush rise to his cheeks.


	6. Chapter 6

_ Three Months Later _

 

Dean twisted open his last fire cherry and put the seed into his mouth. He was lounging in the practice area, watching another fighting class taught by someone he’d really,  _ truly  _ come to hate: Balthazar. 

The man didn’t actually know how to fight; and he always stood too close to Castiel during leader meetings. Not that that bothered Dean. He just thought Balthazar was sketchy, and the asshole wasn’t someone Castiel should give the time of day. 

Castiel was so much better than Balthazar. Way out of Balthazar’s league, too. Out of all the time Dean’d spent watching and assessing Castiel—for practical reasons, of course—he’d been able to conclude at least that. 

On the other hand, Castiel was… Castiel was complex. He was charming, that’s for sure. Smart, level headed, analytical, thoughtful. Dean hadn’t ever seen him lose his composeur. Even when in a leader meeting and some idiot asked a  _ dumb _ ass question or suggested something stupid, Castiel answered their question or suggestion seriously. Nicely. Not at all in a way that Dean would have answered it. 

It… Wasn’t what Dean was used to. He was used to the harsh and curt words said to him by barkeeps or grouchy supply hub owners. No mercy was given to anyone who dare ask a stupid question. Or even something that slightly rubbed the person behind the counter the wrong way. Castiel was the complete opposite of all that and it was just odd. Totally threw him off his game. 

Dean’s thoughts were interrupted by the grating accented voice of Balthazar.

“Nice one, Gabe,” Balthazar said, “but really drive your fist into each punch—”

Dean’s bark of a laugh cut Balthazar off mid sentence and the man turned back to look at him. 

“What?” He snapped. It was no secret that for all Dean didn’t like Balthazar, Balthazar returned those feelings for Dean. 

Dean got up and walked over to Gabe, someone he didn’t mind, actually, and motioned a question for him to move away from the punching bag. After Gabe moved, Dean smiled a thanks and then took up a fighting stance in the same place Gabe had been. “Balthy, here, is teaching you wrong,” he said to Gabe, flicking his eyes to Balthazar for a moment to smirk at him. “You don’t want to drive your  _ fist _ into each punch. The fist is weakly supported and doesn’t transfer energy if the rest of the arm doesn’t support it.” 

“Yeah,” Gabe said, watching Dean intently. “Okay, that makes sense.” 

“You want to drive your elbow into the punch,” Dean said, gearing up to throw a punch into the bag. “It doesn’t matter what punch your delivering—jab, uppercut, head or body shot—if you drive and snap your elbow into the punch...” Dean moved to demonstrate, following through and staying true to his words as he threw his elbow into it. As soon as his fist made contact with the bag it jolted and swung away from him, and he smiled in triumph.

Beside him, Gabe whispered quietly in awe, “Wow. You made it move more than I ever have.” He paused to snort and jerk his head towards Balthazar. “More than he ever has either.” 

Dean sniggered as Balthazar clenched his fists and jaw. “I bet. A lot of what he’s been teaching you is… Well, bullshit.”

Gabe’s eyes lit up and he smiled at Dean. “Like what?” He asked, turning so that his body was almost completely blocking Balthazar. Dean couldn’t help the little smile that spread across his face. 

“Like, ducking your head to avoid a punch? You don’t want to do that. Moving your head in any way that makes it so you can’t see your opponents head isn’t something you want to do,” Dean explained, getting a little too into conversing and teaching Gabe that he forgot he wasn’t supposed to be liking being here. “And if you can, lean on your opponent. It wears your opponent out and makes him waste energy while you’re conserving it. You’ve got a bit of a disadvantage with how small you are, but you’re strong, so you could make it work.” 

“I’m quick on my feet, so what can I do to take advantage of that strength?” Gabe asked. “Should I, like, run circles around them or something?” 

“Well, you don’t really want to run in a fight. Running and jumping around wastes energy and you don’t want that,” Dean said. “If I were you, I’d use fake-outs.”

“How do you mean?”

“Like,” Dean started, getting into his fighting stance before looking back to Gabe. “The top of this bag is the head and the middle is the torso, okay?” Gabe nodded. “Alright, so, what you want to do, is feint to the head—” Dean snapped his elbow out to the top of the bag, but stopped just an inch away and then drove his other elbow out to punch the middle of the bag. “—and go to the body.” 

Gabe smiled as Dean righted himself up again. “Cool,” he breathed out. “Can I try it all out now?” 

Dean couldn’t help the smile he wore as he moved out of the way and watched as Gabe got into his position and then first tried driving his elbow into the punching bag. 

“Oh, hey, also moving your whole body one inch will give more power than moving just your arm one foot. Power comes from your entire body, not one single part of it.”

Gabe nodded and focused back on the punching bag in front of him. Dean smiled as Gabe threw a punch and smiled at him, saying through that action that he found Dean’s advice to be more useful than Balthazar’s. 

“If you know so much about fighting,” Balthazar gritted out, “then why don’t you teach the class, Winchester?” 

Dean’s smile was wiped from his face and reality came crashing back around him, making him frown. He opened his mouth to decline, but Gabe beat him to it. 

“Yes! Dude, yes!” Gabe yelled, exciting the attention of people from the rest of the group on the practice mat. “Dean, you should teach us some stuff today. You know the most out of everyone here.” 

Dean opened his mouth to protest, but he started hearing people voice their agreement and he wasn’t sure how to get out of this. 

“Yeah, Winchester,” Balthazar sneered, placing his hands on Dean’s shoulders and steering him up towards the front of the group of people. He placed Dean front and center before them and clapped him on the back. “Teach them all your little tricks to  _ killing people.”  _

Dean froze. He just completely froze as he looked out at the faces of Balthazar’s students. Faces that started flashing to those people he fought in the arena. The more he looked at the students, the more he saw innocent faces begging him with tears in their eyes not to hurt them. 

“Go ahead,” Balthazar whispered. Dean could see the smile stretched across his chapped lips. “Teach them all your dirty little tricks…  _ Murderer.” _

Dean bolted. 

~~~

Not a killer. Dean was not a killer. He wasn’t a murderer. It was him or them. Him or them. If he didn’t kill them, they would’ve had to kill him. 

_ Killer. _

Dean slammed his fist down on the railing he was leaning on for support. “No,” he said firmly to no one but himself. He’d done nothing wrong in the circumstances that he’d been put in.

The face of a woman he’d been put into the ring with flashed before his eyes and he felt himself slipping. Slipping back into an attack. He wasn’t due for one for another three months, but Balthazar…

_ Murderer. _

Dean kicked his foot against the floor, whispering fiercely,  _ “No!” _

“Dean?” A tentative female voice came from his right and he whipped around to see Charlie, Benny, and Gabe standing there, all looking concerned. All three of them had followed him. Dean wasn’t sure what to think. In the back of his mind, he already had half expected that Charlie would be talking with him later; she was the one person here he had a friendship with after Sam and Adam. Benny and Gabe coming with? He didn’t expect that at all. He wasn’t as friendly with them as he was with Charlie. 

“You okay?” Gabe asked. Dean darted his eyes from him to Benny to Charlie and back again. 

Dean looked at the ground and took a deep breath, saying curtly, “I’m fine.” He gripped onto the railing in front of him tighter. “I just couldn’t stand being near Balthazar anymore. He…” Dean paused, Balthazar’s words ran through his head again, but Dean shook himself off. “Balthazar was just being a dick.” 

“I heard what Balthazar said to you,” Benny said. “You gotta know no one agrees with him.” 

Dean turned to look at the three of them and forced a smile onto his face. “I’m fine,” he said. “Balthazar can say whatever he likes about me. I don’t care.” 

Charlie walked over to him and put her hand on his shoulder, giving him a comforting squeeze. Gabe followed soon after, digging into his pocket for something and as he reached Dean’s side, pulled out a few pieces of melts. Those were something Dean had only had a few times. They were sweet and melted in your mouth, hence the name of the confection.

“You want a melty?” Gabe asked, holding his hand out to Dean. “It’ll make you feel better.” 

Dean couldn’t help the small smile that that offer got out of him. He took one of the melts and unwrapped it, placing the small circle on his tongue. At the same time, Benny came over to stand next to Charlie, leaning on the railing as Dean was. 

“It’s weird,” Charlie said, shaking her head more to herself than to anyone else. “I’ve been here longer than a lot of people, and he’s always been nice to everyone. Really helpful, too.” 

Dean snorted incredulously to that.

“And you haven’t even done anything to him to make him hate you,” Gabe said. 

Dean snorted again. “I’ve been undermining him in front of his students.” 

“Oh,” Gabe said, popping one of the melts in his mouth. “You just trying to help, though.” 

Dean pressed his lips together and tilted his head from side to side in thought because, truthfully, he hadn’t really been trying to help. Today was different only because he liked Gabe and he did want to help  _ him, _ but all the other students? He didn’t care about them. Those group ‘lessons’ were really just to undermine Balthazar and made him look bad. 

“If that’s all you’ve been doing,” Charlie said, “then I don’t know what his problem is. He’s been undermined by other students, other Hunters, in the past and he’s never reacted the way he did today.” 

Dean’s interest piqued at that bit of information. He turned to Charlie. “What do you mean?” 

“Well, there are a lot of Hunters in our forces and they know a bit more about fighting than he does. He’s a second generation Hunter, so he knows the basics of how to fight, but he doesn’t know a whole lot more than that,” Charlie explained. “Balthazar’s had students teach classes in the past and not all of them were nice to him about it.” 

Dean furrowed his brows in confusion as to what that meant. Balthazar had had people with attitudes just like him in the past, but he always handled it with grace in the past? 

What the hell was so different now? What what so different about Dean? Why did Balthazar hate  _ him _ so much and not the other Hunters, too?

“What are you all doing here?” Another voice called out, making Gabe, Charlie, and Benny’s heads whip around to see who was there. Dean already knew who it was by his voice and his heart beat faster. “You should all be in your next rotation. Why are you up here?” 

Dean straightened up and he deliberately turned away. 

“Sorry,” Benny and Gabe said at the same time. 

“We were just making sure Dean was alright,” Charlie started explaining. “Balthazar said some… Rude and inappropriate words to him.” 

Dean clenched his jaw. Not everyone needed to know about the scene with Balthazar. 

“Alright, well, why don’t you all get back to your current rotation and I’ll stay here to make sure Dean is okay.” 

“Yeah,” Charlie said. Dean heard Benny grunt in agreement and Gabe nodded his head. The three of them gave Dean comforting goodbyes and then began walking away. 

After they were all gone, Dean heard footsteps coming towards him and then a body stop next to him. He refused to look at the man, though. 

“I was told what Balthazar said,” Castiel said, “and I’m sorry. Balthazar has never acted this way for as long as I’ve known him. I’m not sure what’s gotten into him.” 

Dean only took in a deep breath as a reply. He was still furious with Castiel for taking Sam and Adam. It’d been such a long time since he had been able to sleep in his own bed, but he wasn’t leaving until Sam and Adam saw that this was a lost cause. 

Silence followed for a few moments before Castiel spoke again.

“It’s not true, you know that,” he said, “right, Dean? You know what he said was a lie?” 

Dean gritted his teeth and still refused to engage. 

“Anyone in your place would have done the same thing,” Castiel continued. Dean swallowed his irritation at Castiel and just let him talk, hoping that he knew his words were falling in deaf ears. “And, I mean, what Balthazar said was just cruel. I’m so sorry, Dean, I don’t know what has gotten into him. I don’t understand why he’s acting this way. I don’t understand why he hates you.” 

Dean couldn’t help the roll of his eyes at that. “I don’t care why he hates me,” he said boredly. “I’m not so crazy about him either.” 

Castiel was silent again for a moment. “I’ll talk to him,” he said, putting his hand on Dean’s shoulder. Dean make a quiet grunting noise and shrugged Castiel off. 

“I don’t care if you talk to him,” he said, more venomously than he’d intended. “Balthazar can say what he wants. He isn’t even on my radar.” 

Castiel sighed. “Okay,” he said. After yet another long moment of silence, Dean finally turned to look at Castiel, going to ask him to leave, but he had to pause because Castiel was looking right back at him and his eyes were so blue. It took him off guard and all thought of what he was about to say was completely forgotten. He felt entranced by Castiel, and even further, felt himself want to talk to him. Talk, of all things. It was well known that Dean wasn’t a talker, yet...  

Castiel smiled a little at him and Dean’s heart sped up. He didn’t know what to do or say. He’d never had this reaction to someone before. It was like his reaction when he met Lisa for the first time, but tenfold. The first time he met Lisa, his heart raced, just like it was now with Castiel, but back then it was somehow… Slower. He also definitely felt something carnal in him rear its head when he looked at Lisa, but with Castiel, he felt that something carnal rise in him, definitely, but, it wasn’t urgent. It was urgent with Lisa. With Castiel, it was… Subtle. Calmer, like he could wait till the end of the world to acknowledge it. Like there were other things Dean just…  _ Preferred  _ to address before it. 

This all was such new territory. Dean could feel himself starting to care for Castiel and he wasn’t okay with it. Not okay with it at all. He couldn’t be caring for Castiel because if he cared for Castiel then he would start caring for his stupid, hopeless, idiotic cause. 

“Dean?” Castiel asked in a quick exhale, almost so quick Dean wasn’t sure he’d actually said anything. “You okay?” 

Dean opened his mouth to respond, unaware that he’d already straightened himself up and turned his body towards Castiel. “I… I don’t know…” he trailed off. Castiel’s eyes softened and Dean felt himself that much more drawn to him. 

“Talk to me about it?” Castiel asked. Dean darted his eyes between Castiel’s, just about to open his mouth when the alarm bells blared around them. He snapped his teeth back together and looked up at the red flashing light above them. 

“I have to go,” He yelled as worry rose in him. He sprinted off to find Sam and Adam, pulling on a radiation suit before following his brothers out to the fight.

~~~

“What about weaknesses to look for in your opponent?” Gabe asked excitedly. It seemed like the entire table leaned in to hear Dean’s answer.

“Well, look for their strong hand. Most fighters are one-handed or they favor one over the other. Their strong hand is the one that does all the damage,” Dean said, “so if you pay attention to that side, they can do almost no damage to you.”

“That’s so cool,” some kid Dean didn’t know the name of said in awe. Dean couldn’t help the way his mouth turned up in the corner at the way the kid looked so mystified. 

_ “Please move on to your next assigned rotation.” _ That stupid guy’s voice came on from the speakers throughout the cafeteria. It always announced the end of lunch at the worst time and Dean hated it. So did the rest of the group sitting at his table, if the groans of annoyance were anything to go by. 

“Ugh,” Charlie said disgustedly as she, Hannah, and Dean reached the garbage bins. “There’s Balthazar. With Castiel again.” Dean whipped his head around to see exactly what Charlie was describing. “He’s been following Castiel around for the past week. I tried to talk to Castiel alone, but Balthazar just would not leave. Even when Castiel asked him to, Balthazar just said that he’d like to be kept in the loop with any new developments within the Lancers. Castiel looked so defeated and worn down, he didn’t seem to have the energy to fight Balthazar on it and discreetly told me he’d come find me after curfew and we’d talk then.” 

Dean frowned deeply. That was a new low for Balthazar. 

Hannah leaned in when the three of them moved to put their trays away, smiling in some way akin to smugness. “You know what I heard from Inias?” She asked. Charlie shook her head and then nodded Hannah to continue. “Inias told me that Balthazar had ulterior motives for following Castiel around.” 

“Really?” Charlie asked. “What are they?” 

“Apparently, Balthazar had gotten a bit too juiced one night and let it slip that he’s into Castiel. As in, he wants to be  _ with _ Castiel,” Hannah said. “Like, partners.” 

Dean felt something inside him clench painfully at the same time his heart squeezed. 

“What?” He asked, getting an almost surprised look from Hannah. 

“Yeah,” Hannah said,” Balthazar said that he’d been in love with Castiel since the first time they met. And he’s been trying to spend all this extra time with him because he wants to make Castiel fall in love with him, too. Isn’t that crazy?” 

Dean blinked a few times before answering. “I think it’s gross of Balthazar to do that.” 

“Me too,” Charlie said. “I think he should rethink his priorities. And rethink where Castiel has his own priorities. We’re preparing for a war, I mean.” 

Hannah shrugged, saying, “I think it’s kinda cute. He’s like a lovesick puppy.” 

Charlie laughed. “Yeah, a hopeless lovesick puppy,” she said, linking arms with Hannah and tugging her along to their next rotation. She looked back over her shoulder to Dean when she realized that he wasn’t following. “Hey, Dean, you coming with?” she asked. 

Dean looked from her to Castiel and Balthazar, then back to her. “I think I’ll go find Sam and Adam. Make sure they’re doing okay.” 

Charlie rolled her eyes at him, smiling still. “Yeah, okay, go check on them  _ again,” _ she said, waving goodbye as she and Hannah walked out of the cafeteria. Dean waved back before going off to find Sam and Adam. If he remembered correctly, they should be on their maintenance rotation. You know, just basic maintenance like replacing light bulbs and repainting and fixing the walls, fixing holes in the flooring and the likes. 

In order to find them, Dean would have to just walk around a bit and hope to get lucky. Not something he minded, honestly. It gave him a chance to recharge after being around so many people during lunch. People seemed to really tire him out. Then again, he usually just wasn’t around people he had to engage with on a daily basis, so… All of this was just simply new territory for him. 

Sam and Adam were fitting in nicely. Sam had gotten close with this blonde names Jess. She was nice and a mean cook. Adam, on the other hand, had been restlessly flirting with this girl named Kelly, who was definitely flirting back. It definitely be described as sickening to see them together. 

Other than the two girls his brothers were falling for, there was a handful of other people here they called their friends. Gabe was one of them, and the only friend of their that he considered decent enough to associate with. The others he really didn’t mingle with, and therefore didn’t know their names, but there was quite a few who said hello in the halls when passing. 

It made Dean feel a bit guilty that ultimately they’d be leaving soon, so all friends Sam and Adam made here were for nothing, really. 

“Castiel,” Balthazar’s voice made Dean stop in his tracks. He heard footsteps coming closer to the corner he was currently stopped at and panic made his instincts fire on all cylinders. Dean quietly started to make his way back the way he came. “I need to talk to you about something.” 

The heartfelt tone in Balthazar’s voice made Dean stop his retreat. He heard the footsteps stop, too, and Dean creeped back to just this side of the corner. He pressed himself against the wall and peeked around, keeping his ears open as well as his eyes. 

Balthazar and Castiel were standing in the most brightly lit area of the hall and because of that, Dean was shielded from their view. They would have to really be looking for him in order to see him.  

“What is it, Balth?” Castiel asked. Dean could  _ hear  _ the note of exhaustion in his voice, not just see it in his shoulders. Balthazar stepped up closer to Castiel and put his hand on the man’s arm. “Balth—”

“We’ve been friends for a long time, right, Castiel?” Balthazar said. Dean could barley suppress the groan he wanted to let out at that line. 

“Yes,” Castiel said, “almost ten years.”

“Right.” Balthazar nodded. “And through those years, we’ve been there for each other through thick and thin. I’ve leaned on you, you’ve leaned on me,” he said, sliding his hand down to grab Castiel’s hand. “We’re best friends and I just… I feel so grateful for you. I’ve been feeling this way for a really long time, but I didn’t have the courage to say anything.” 

“Balthazar,” Castiel said slowly, retracting his hand. He started to take a step back, but Balthazar took this chance to lunge forward, aiming for a kiss. Castiel turned his head at the last second, pushing Balthazar away at the same time. He took a small step back and shook his head and said, “I’m sorry, no.” 

Balthazar pulled away slowly, his face turning red in embarrassment and rejection. “What?” 

Castiel’s shoulders slumped even more and he reached out to put a hand on Balthazar’s shoulder, but Balthazar turned away. 

Castiel sighed. “I’m sorry, Balth,” he said. “I’m so sorry. I know you’ve felt this way for a long time, but I’ve never felt the same. I’m so sorry.” 

“But…” Balthazar spluttered. Dean saw his eyes, there was so much hurt and pain that Dean almost felt sorry for him. “We’ve been together for ten years.”

“Yes, and I’m sorry,” Castiel said again, “but I’ve never felt anything but friendship for you.” 

Balthazar’s eyes froze and he stared at Castiel for some agonizingly long seconds. Then, he narrowed them, creating a whole new level to the word ‘intense’. He searched for what seemed like forever until his eyes shot wide open and he took a stumbling step back. 

“You… There’s someone else,” he said. Dean saw Castiel’s face grow pale and his hands twitch at his sides. 

“No,” Castiel said, shaking his head a little too much. A little too vehemently. 

Balthazar’s jaw clenched and his eyes narrowed again. He took a deep breath through his nose and then gritted out between his teeth, “It’s  _ him _ isn’t it?” 

“There isn’t anyone,” Castiel insisted, but his face contorted into a grimace. Dean almost had to roll his eyes at what an awful liar Castiel was. 

“It is him,” Balthazar said. “It’s Dean, isn’t it?” 

Dean stopped breathing. 

“Balthazar,” Castiel started, “there isn’t—”

“I’m your best friend, Castiel, I know when you’re lying,” Balthazar spat. “Don’t lie to me.” 

Castiel was quiet for a moment before he hung his head. “Okay,” he said, “Alright, there is someone.” 

“So, it is Dean,” Balthazar said, sounding on the verge of being hysterical.

“Who it is doesn’t matter,” Castiel said, sighing. “I’ll never be with him, so any and all feelings I have for him are hopeless.” 

“If it doesn’t matter, tell me who it is.” Balthazar’s voice had gone back to angry. 

“Balthazar,” Castiel said sternly, lifting his head back up and setting his jaw. “I’ve had enough of your hatred towards Dean or anything Dean-related. I also do not appreciate your recent disrespect of my leadership duties. As a leader here—as  _ your  _ leader, I expect you to reevaluate why your here and if it is only because I am here, I need you to leave. If you truly believe in our cause, stay and go through your teachings and rotations just as everyone else here is doing at this exact moment. You may be my best friend, but I have more than just you to think of at the moment. I have the lives of everyone here depending on me.” 

Balthazar stared at Castiel again for a moment before storming off, finally breaking the spell Dean was under. 

He sprang into action and ran back down the hallway he came from, all the way past the cafeteria and only then did he slow down. Both with his feet and his mind. Four words kept running through his head over and over and he was helpless to stop it. 

_ It’s Dean, isn’t it? _


	7. Chapter 7

Dean would’ve been happy to sleep forever. When he was asleep he didn’t have to think, and thinking was something he’d been doing in excess ever since that conversation he overheard between Castiel and Balthazar. That stupid  _ “It’s Dean, isn’t it?” _ kept looping through his head and he couldn’t get it to stop. The only reprieve he could find was sleep, but the alarms blaring now wouldn’t let him do that. 

It took him a moment to figure out what it meant and as soon as he did, he sprang up and into action. Sam and Adam were already up and dressing into their blue jumpsuits and jogging out into the corridor. They made their way towards the lifting doors and each grabbed a radiation suit and a weapon. 

“Alright everybody, prepare yourselves,” some woman yelled. The doors began opening up and everyone lined up in waiting. “It looks like there’s quite a few of them out there and they’re angry.”

Dean collected himself and made sure he could see both Sam and Adam as the units began moving into the tunnels. 

When they got topside, Dean immediately assessed the situation. There were several psycries and skitter bugs, more corpsesnares and wropelaches, a few angories and ketorats, and seven glinites. 

Not good. Glinites were the most dangerous and the hardest to take out when you didn’t have the right pistol—a ray pistol, and they were almost impossible to take out if they teamed up. 

Someone somewhere behind him yelled, “Glinites first!” 

Dean couldn’t agree more, and since he was one of the only ones with the right pistol, he pulled out it out and aimed. 

A glinite went down just before it could reach one of the first men out there. After that, Dean aimed his pistol at another and shot twice before it went down. Another and another and another, glinite after glinite went down with the help of the other few soldiers with ray pistols until there was only one glinite left. 

Though, once it was killed, that was when all hell broke loose. 

Several soldiers screamed and yelled out in pain before dropping to the ground over the next few minutes. Dean tried to help all of them, but there was only so much he could do. 

A blood curdling scream came from somewhere ahead of Dean and he saw someone who looked an awful lot like Adam fall to the ground. Fear and panic spiked in him, but before he could get his feet to move to the fallen man, who he felt in his gut was Adam, another piercing scream came from Dean’s right. This time, he could see who it was and Dean’s stomach squeezed so hard he almost threw up. 

Sam dropped to the ground and a ketorat began stalking up to him. Another intense wave of fear doused Dean’s senses and he used the new surge of adrenaline to shut down his emotions for the time being and aim his pistol right between the mutants eyes. One loud bang later and the ketorat slumped to the ground. 

Dean allowed himself one tiny moment of relief before he moved on to the next one and the next one, shooting shot after shot into mutant after mutant. He could see in his periphery medics sprinting out onto the field and quickly assessing each body on the ground. The ones who were still alive were dragged off back underground and the others were left for collection at a later time. 

Dean let himself feel another small bit of relief as he saw both Sam and Adam being dragged off. After they were out of his sight and off to safety, he locked himself back down to get rid of the mutants still remaining. 

He counted three ketorats—not great, but not bad. They were next in line after glinites when it came to level of dangerous—nine psycries, and few corpsesnares left. Dean ran towards the ketorats, gripping his blades in each of his hands. The two of them would make for a more personal attack, but they would also help assure Dean that he’d killed the ketorats. He wasn’t about to have them popping back up just when people felt safe and take down a few more soldiers. 

Dean yelled to get the attention of one of the mutants currently attacking two of the soldiers. It turned around and immediately started running towards him, now. Once Dean was certain the ketorats attention wasn’t on the others anymore, and they were freed up to begin shooting at the psycries swarming towards them, Dean picked up his pace, keeping his eyes on the mutant in front of him. He controlled his breathing and braced himself for his attack on the ketorat rapidly approaching him. 

Just as it was about to reach him, Dean dropped and slid beneath it, shoving his blades into the mutants throat at the exact right moment. As he slid and the ketorat still ran, the blades slid through it, cutting the thing open from throat to stomach. It made this screeching noise and lost its footing as Dean slid out from under it unharmed. Dean watched it for a moment, nodding to himself as it stopped twitching. 

He moved onto the next one, sheathing his demon blade and pulling out his ray pistol. His feet took off on their own and he aimed it, pulling the trigger at the same time as he was knocked off his feet and a burning pain shot through his arm. A hissing sound next to his ear alerted him to the corpsesnare that had bitten him and was readying for its next attack. 

Dean sprang to his feet and kicked at the mutant as he pulled his demon blade back out. The corpsesnare hissed again and reared its head, snapping at Dean, but not attacking.

“C’mon asshole,” Dean goaded, “you already got one bite. Come get another.” 

The corpsesnare moved lightening fast and struck. Dean reacted faster and grabbed it behind the head as it was about to bite him again. He took his blade and sliced the corpsesnare in half before moving on. 

The two soldiers he’d saved from the ketorat had taken out all but two of the psycries, but more soldiers were heading their way. Dean saw another couple of soldiers running away from the bodies of the last two ketorats and Dean had to give them some props for taking them out. It wasn’t as easy for most people as it was for him. 

Either way, now there was just the psycries and a few retreating corpsesnares. There was no doubt in his mind that they’d be back, so Dean pulled his pistol up and aimed. He got four of them before the last three dug their way into the sand and disappeared. 

Dean turned to the psycries and, again, had to give the soldiers a bit more props than usual because they’d saved themselves. There were no more mutants that needed to be taken care of. 

“Round up!” Someone—the Captain, Dean assumed—yelled and everyone started towards the nearest body in blue on the ground, grabbing the fallen soldier and moving back towards the entrance to the base. Dean, on the other hand, took a moment to shake out the last bits of adrenaline from the fight before beelining it back to the base. 

He needed to get back to Sam and Adam. 

~~~

“Well, Sam and Adam are fine,” the nurse said to Dean as he stood at the end of their beds. Dean turned to her and looked at her incredulously. 

“Fine?” he said, laughing condescendingly. “Adam  broke his arm and sprained his ankle. Sam was bit by a fucking psycry. How on earth could that be considered ‘fine’?” 

The nurse glared at him and moved to grab his arm and tend to the bite he’d gotten from the corpsesnare, but Dean just shrugged her off. 

“I’m fine, thanks,” he said. The nurse’s glare deeped and she walked off. 

“They should be up any minute. Don’t agitate them,” She threw over her shoulder before disappearing.

“Agitate  _ them?” _ Dean huffed, “They’re more likely to agitate me.” He turned on his heel and started pacing. “What, with the  _ ‘I want to stay here’, ‘I want to help Cas to overthrow the SM’, ‘We’re needed here to help’. _ You’re  _ not  _ needed! Should’ve made you both pack up your fucking things and gotten the hell outta here as soon as I’d found you. Shoulda used dad’s old ‘it’s for your own good’ line. Bet that would’ve worked. I—”

“Dean?” Adam called groggily. “What are  you talking about?” 

Dean immediately went over and sat down beside Adam on his bed. 

“Hey,” he said in a hushed tone, “how are you feeling?” 

Adam shrugged and winced as he felt the bite from the psycry in his shoulder. 

“I’ve been better,” he said. Dean forced a smile onto his face. “How’s Sam?” 

Dean shrugged his shoulders now. “He’s been better.” 

Adam smiled at that and closed his eyes slowly. “Are you hurt?” He asked. 

Dean smiled at his brother. “I’m okay. I’m just worried about you and Sam.” 

“When are you not?” Adam asked, cracking an eye open to look pointedly at Dean. Dean rolled his eyes at Adam and smacked his leg playfully. He waited for Adam to close his eye again before sobering up and gently resting his hand on Adam’s knee. 

“Adam, listen, when you and Sam are better, we’re leaving,” he said, “We’re going back home and we’re going to live our lives like we always do.” 

Adam opened his eyes and shook his head. 

“No,” he said firmly. “No, Dean, please.” 

“Adam, this isn’t negotiable,” Dean said. “I’m trying to protect you and Sam. I’m trying to keep my promise to dad.”

“You are! You promised dad you’d take care of us, and this is the way to take care of us. Cas needs us, and he needs you,” Adam said, looking at Dean in desperation. “We have a chance, Dean. Without you, though, I’m not sure how great that chance is.” 

Dean set his jaw and stood up. “That’s not our problem.”

“How is it not?!” Adam yelled, pushing himself up into a sitting position. “We live out here in the Wasteland along with everyone else. When Heaven is taken down and everyone is liberated, don’t you want to know you did everything you could to help?” 

Dean shifted his weight and looked away. Yes, he did want to do what he could to help people, but he made a promise to his father and he couldn’t break that promise. 

“I can see what you’re thinking, Dean,” Adam said, softer and more comforting than defensive. “I know you want to help. Stop letting dad get in the way of what you want to do. You’ve protected me and Sam for years. You kept your promise, and now it’s time to move on with your life.” 

Dean clenched his fists. “I protected you?” he said, looking down at his feet. “Say that to the break and sprain you’ve got. Or to the psycry bite Sam has.” 

“Dean—” 

“No, Adam, stop. Just stop.” Dean pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m not arguing with you anymore about this. We’re doing it my way and that’s it.” 

Adam was silent for a long time, refusing to look at Dean as he gathered his thoughts. 

“If mom was here, what do you think she would say, Dean?” he asked after a while. “What do you think she would encourage you to do? What do you think she would say about you not helping more people than just me and Sam?” 

“That…” Dean shook his head to clear it before all the emotions he kept in a box clouded his thoughts. “Mom’s gone. And—”

“So is dad.” Adam looked at Dean intently. “Dad is gone too. They’re both gone and now it’s us. We’re a family, and we always will be, but that doesn’t mean we’re the only ones out there. Dean, Sam and I aren’t the only ones who need protecting.” 

“I don’t care about all the other people who need protecting,” Dean said immediately, looking down at his feet again. 

“You’re not a good liar.” 

Both Dean and Adam’s heads turned after Sam had spoke. He was looking at Dean with an unreadable expression and Dean hated it. He was usually so good at reading Sam and Adam, but since they’d been here, everything had been thrown out of whack. 

“Look, Dean, we know you’re not happy here. But you weren’t happy before either.” 

“That’s not—”

“You can’t lie to us,” Adam interrupted. 

“We know there’s a chance for you to be happy after we’ve taken down Heaven and liberated everyone,” Sam continued. “Trust us, and trust Cas.” 

Dean clenched his jaw and fists again. He didn’t want things to change and neither did anyone else. Change in this world meant more evil and bad things. 

“Dean—”

“You don’t know what you’re asking me to do in the least,” Dean said. “You have no idea what Heaven is like. What the people there are like. This new world where everyone lives in peace and harmony isn’t going to happen. You…” Dean took a deep breath. “You just don’t know what you’re getting yourselves into. That’s why we need to leave—”

“No,” Sam interrupted again. “We’re not leaving. Adam and I are staying put.” 

“If you want to go, then go. But we’re not going anywhere, Dean,” Adam finished for the both of them. 

Dean had to take a step back. He’d never seen these sides of his brother’s and it scared him a little. He was losing control of his family and their safety. This place had changed them, and Dean wasn’t sure it was for the better. They were so naive and young. All the training and preparing in the world couldn't save them from harsh reality of what they would see. 

Dean blamed Castiel for that, so he gave Sam and Adam a final once over and then walked away. He needed to find Castiel so he could get him to tell Sam and Adam to leave. He needed to save his family and keep his promise. 

~~~

“Castiel!” Dean bellowed, stomping through the halls into Castiel’s room. He found the leader standing at his drawing table, his back to the door. “Once Sam and Adam are healed, we’re leaving.” 

Castiel didn’t turn around right away, but when he did, he was frowning. 

“Okay,” he said quietly. “So, when they’re better, go. Nothing’s stopped you from leaving, Dean. You and your brothers were and are free to go when you like.” 

Dean sneered at Castiel. “No, I’m not free to go whenever I like. Sam and Adam have it in their head that they’re going to help beat down the SM.” 

“I don’t know what you’re here for, Dean,” Castiel said. Dean flicked his eyes to Castiel’s and flushed a little at the sincerity he saw there; the openness. It almost made him feel guilty for wanting to leave. 

The eye contact couldn’t have been more than a few seconds before he looked away, but it was enough for Castiel and he took a step closer. 

“I see,” Castiel whispered. “You’re here because you want  _ me  _ to tell Sam and Adam that they have to leave. You want me to lie to them and tell them they’re not needed. Right?” 

Dean shook his head, also taking a step forward. “No, not lie to them. Just…” he started, trailing off as he couldn’t find words. 

Castiel shook his head. “I won’t do that, Dean,” he said. “I won’t lie to them. They  _ are _ needed. And so are you. We need everyone we can get. You know that; we need the numbers.” 

Dean stayed silent for as long as it took him to gather himself back up, so when he was ready, he spoke with finality in his voice. 

“No,” He said. “No, you don’t need them. They’re just kids. Sam is barely eighteen, and Adam is just out of his teens. You don’t need them.” 

Castiel sighed and opened his mouth to speak, but Dean didn’t let him. 

“Once they’re healed, we’re leaving and I want you to never contact us again, alright? Let the people of the Wastelands fend without us because you have enough people. You don’t need us.” 

Castiel’s brows furrowed. “Of course we do. Dean, you’re the only human to  _ ever _ escape the SM or Heaven. We need your intelligence in order to get in and take down the SM.” 

Dean looked back up into Castiel’s eyes, steeling himself as he shook his head. “No. I won’t help, and neither will my family.” 

Something completely  _ snapped  _ in Castiel then. His normally calming blue eyes seemed to turn a stormy gray and he stepped up into Dean’s space.

“So, what then? You’re just gonna let innocent people die?!” He jabbed his finger into Dean’s chest. “You’re just gonna let those bastards keep taking more and more of us every day to fight each other to the death for the amusement of the Sinlesses? To be forced into slavery? What the fuck is wrong with you?!” 

“What would you rather me do?” Dean yelled back, clenching his fists at his sides. “Risk my fucking life for those assholes in Heaven?!” 

“No! I’m saying—”

“You don’t know what they’re like!” Dean interrupted, shaking with rage. “You didn’t see the way they cheered as fighters  _ ripped each other apart! _ You didn’t see the bloodlust in their eyes. The way spit flew from their mouths as they cheered for their favorite fighters or screamed when they died. You don’t know how _ sick _ they are, or how happy they are to live in blissful ignorance, making their slaves do whatever they want.” The fire in Castiel’s eyes dimmed as Dean spoke, but never went out. Dean shook his head sadly, lowering his voice as he said, “You don’t know anything about them. You know… You know nothing. If this fails, you’ll all be killed. I’ll be forced back into slavery and fighting. If I help, and we fail, I’ll lose  _ more  _ than everything that matters to me, Cas.” 

Castiel reached out to grab his arm, squeezing gently as an act of comfort. 

“Dean, I’m sorry for everything they put you through. For all they made you do, but what about those people who don’t know how to take care of themselves? Who are doomed to be taken and forced into slave labor or fighting? For those who—” 

Dean ripped his arm from Castiel’s grip, glaring at him with his entire being because he  _ didn’t listen. _ He didn’t listen to Dean’s words. He was  _ still  _ asking for Dean to give up everything. To give up his life and his freedom and his  _ family  _ for a plan that would never, ever, work. 

“Why should I care about them?” he spat, red clouding his vision. “I take care of myself and my family, why can’t that be enough?” 

Castiel glared right back at him. “Because you’re able to protect yourself and others.” 

“Those ‘weak and feeble’ could be able to, too. They don’t have to just let themselves be taken,” Dean said, immediately regretting the words as they left his mouth. It didn’t matter how strong or what skills you had. Knights were plenty and everywhere; there was no escaping them for almost anyone in the Wastelands. There wasn’t enough food or water for them to eat and drink to keep themselves strong enough to fend the Knights off.

Castiel pushed Dean back, grunting with the effort it took to make the man move. 

“You’re not sick or dying or weak!” he yelled, following Dean as he took a step back. “You have a way to hunt for food and a way to get water. You fucking know that! And because you’re privileged, you have an obligation to help those who can’t.” 

“No, I don’t,” Dean said. “I don’t owe anyone anything.” 

“We’re in war, Dean! And in war you have to give things up, you have to make sacrifices!” Castiel shoved Dean again, crowding him back up against the wall. “You think just because I’m the fucking leader of this rebellion that I’ve got it all made?! I’ve had to give up everything! I lost  _ my _ family, you asshole! They’re in Heaven being made to fight and do God knows what. I don’t even know if they’re even still alive, so you can take your  _ ‘I don’t owe anyone anything’ _ bullshit and shove it up your ass, because the longer you don’t help us win this God forsaken war, the more good people lose their family.”

Dean opened his mouth to respond, but nothing came out. He still believed that he didn’t owe anyone anything, but he hadn’t ever thought of it like that before. He’d never thought about Castiel’s history, either. Now that Dean knew that Castiel had lost his family, Dean felt sympathetic to him. He took a moment to put himself in Castiel’s shoes. Something he knew he should’ve done in the first place, but was too angry to do; and begrudgingly honestly, too scared to do, too. 

Dean imagined that Sam and Adam were taken by Knights to Heaven. Sam would most definitely be sold into cage fighting, and Adam would be bought to be some family’s slave. Sam would probably be killed within his first few fights, especially if it was just him against others. He was a lover by nature, not a fighter. Adam would probably be kept around for a few years until he started growing facial hair, being humiliated and starved and many other bad things. As he got older, he would be hurt and humiliated until he could be sold for a profit into the arena fights. 

Dean wouldn’t ever really know what happened if they were kidnapped, though, and it’s the not knowing that kills people the most. It’s what killed him when he was a labor slave and his father was a fighter. 

“Look… I’m sorry,” Dean said, watching as Castiel’s featured darkened and pure fury started to fill his eyes. 

“How can you preach about all you do is take care of your family, but go and forsake others with family they don’t want to lose either? How—” 

“ _ No, _ Cas, shut up,” Dean said, shaking his head. “I  _ will  _ help.”

That rage dissipated in the blink of an eye and confusion replaced it. 

“What?” Castiel asked, flitting his eyes between Dean’s. “You’ll help?”

“Only on one condition,” Dean said. Castiel’s brows furrowed, but he nodded for Dean to continue. 

“Anything, what is it?” Castiel said. 

Dean took his turn to lean into Castiel’s personal space. “Once this is over—once the people in Heaven are freed and the SM is killed, I get to walk away with my brothers and you never try and contact us again. You leave us alone to our family business.” 

Anger took over Castiel’s face again and he scoffed, shaking his head in disbelief. 

“You’re an asshole, you know? You’re such a  _ fucking _ asshole. I cannot believe how much of an asshole you are,” Castiel said vehemently. “How can you be so fucking…. Fucking…..” he flung his hands out, searching for a word. “I don’t know! How can you be so  _ whatever _ you are?!” 

Dean scowled and glared back at him. “Why do you care?” 

“Infuriating! You’re so fucking infuriating!” Castiel pushed at Dean’s shoulder. 

“Why do you  _ fucking care?!” _ Dean yelled. “There are dozens of other difficult people you deal with on a daily basis—much more difficult than me, so why am I the one that irritates you? Why does how I am piss you off so much?! Why are you so adamant that  _ I _ stay?!”

Castiel stomped his foot and pushed Dean again. 

“I care because I don’t want you to leave! I don’t want to lose you because I love yo—” he stopped himself abruptly, eyes widening as he realized what he almost said. Dean’s eyes mirrored Castiel’s and his lips parted in shock. He could feel his heart both stop and leap at the confession Castiel almost said. On one hand, Dean got confirmation that Castiel liked  _ him _ and not someone else. On the other, Dean didn’t ever think that Castiel would ever  _ love _ him. Ever. Now this complicated things. This made Dean feel things he hadn’t felt in years. Maybe even ever.

“What?” Dean asked. He breathing elevated and his heart pounded so hard he was sure Castiel could hear it. 

“Nothing.” Castiel shook his head and backed up. “Forget it,” he said, waving Dean off. “It doesn’t matter.” 

“No,” Dean said. “Yes, it does. Were you… Were you just about to tell me that you love me?” 

“No,” Castiel scoffed, glaring at Dean again, no real malicious intent behind it, though. It seemed more defensive than anything. “I wasn’t about to say anything. So, forget it. It doesn’t matter.” 

“It  _ does  _ matter,” Dean said, stepping forward. Castiel stepped back at the same time, watching Dean warily. Like he’d have to defend himself at any moment. Dean asked, “What were you really about to say?”

Castiel shook his head. “I wasn’t about to say anything.” 

“Yes, you were,” Dean said. “You were about to say that you loved me—” 

“I don’t know where you’re getting that idea,” Castiel said, tearing his eyes away from Dean’s. 

“You love me?” Dean asked, his voice quiet. Castiel looked back up at him and opened his mouth to say something, but it looked like now it was him that couldn’t find words. Dean’s heart raced even faster. “H-how?” 

Castiel glared at him once again. “What do you mean?” 

“You barely know me.” 

“I know you well enough,” Castiel said. “I grew up hearing about the man who escaped Heaven and went across the Wasteland giving to those less fortunate.” 

Dean narrowed his eyes at Castiel. “What?”

Castiel sighed. “You’re famous, Dean, don’t be ignorant,” he said, “and I’m not just talking about everyone knowing you escaped Heaven, either. Everyone knows what you’ve done since you got out. The life you’ve made for yourself.” 

“I fight monsters,” Dean said, taking a step back. “I kill mutants and sell what I can salvage. How does that earn me a name?”  

Castiel stared at Dean hard, looking from one eye to the other with such sincerity Dean shrunk beneath it. 

“Do you really not know what people say about you?” he asked. Dean darted his eyes away from Castiel’s, shook his head and took a step back. 

“Of course I do,” he said, “I’m the man who escaped Heaven.” 

Castiel shook his head. “What about everything else they say?” 

“What?” Dean furrowed his brows. “They don’t say anything else about me. I don’t  _ do _ anything else that would be worthy of talking about.” 

“Really?” Castiel asked. “What about those in the kids at the seminary in Kinsak Hills?” 

Dean’s eyes widened. “Did you talk to Lisa?” 

Castiel nodded and continued. “What about the people in all the different camps you help? The family in Boulderfall? They all told me how much you’ve done for them.”  

“So?” Dean said, his voice cracking as he brought his hand up to the back of his neck. 

_ “So, _ you’ve got more to your reputation than just  _ ‘the man who escaped Heaven’ _ .” 

Dean tried putting his walls back up, he tried rebuilding them, but it was proving to be hard. Under Castiel’s stare and the confirmation that his feelings were returned, he didn’t have the means to be able to rebuild. 

“I…” Dean began backing up, blindly searching for an out to all the emotion building up inside him. “I have to—” A body shoving him into the wall cut him off and he felt lips against his. He felt a soft exhale of his name from Castiel’s mouth against his, and Dean immediately kissed back, sliding his hands around Castiel’s waist, pulling him closer to his body in desperation because all the emotions he’d felt bubbling up and overwhelming him just a few seconds ago? They all settled down the moment he did that. The moment he gave himself into Castiel. 

Castiel made a small noise in the back of his throat and pressed himself into Dean. He threaded his hands into Dean’s hair and used that grip to position Dean’s head in the way he wanted it. 

Dean just followed Castiel’s lead, letting Castiel do as he pleased. He dug his fingers into the small of Castiel’s back when he felt Castiel begin kissing down to his neck. At the same time, Castiel removed his hands from Dean’s hair and began slowly unbuttoning his shirt. Dean just closed his eyes and breathed through the new sensations flooding his system—both external and internal. 

He didn’t open his eyes until he heard a small gasp.  

“I knew you’d have some scars,” Castiel said, running his hands from Dean’s pecks up to his shoulders, looking over Dean’s skin as he pushed the shirt off Dean's shoulders. “But I never thought it would be this many,” He whispered, moving his hands to trace along a few of the bigger ones. Dean closed his eyes again, swaying into the feeling, his breathing becoming more labored the more Castiel touched. “Do you hate them?” Castiel asked after a while, his voice quiet and soft. 

Dean clenched Castiel’s shirt in his fists for a moment, taking that time to try and keep himself calm. Castiel’s hands coming to rest on either side of his face made him force them back open and take a deep breath. Castiel ran his thumb over the apple of his cheek and placed a soft kiss to his lips. 

“I hate the memories they hold,” Dean said, slowly opening his eyes to see Castiel looking up at him intently. 

“Have you ever told anyone? About anything that happened to you?” he asked. Dean clenched his jaw and shook his head. 

“The only people I’ve had in my life are Sam and Adam,” he said, “and I’d never subject them to that.” 

Castiel made Dean bend his head down to kiss him, smiling softly as they parted. 

“That’s sweet of you,” he said, “but so stupid. So, so stupid.” 

Dean rolled his eyes, the corners of his lips quirking up. 

“Maybe,” he said. Castiel moves his thumb from his cheek to his bottom lip and traced along it once before moving his hands back down. 

“Will you tell me, Dean?” He asked quietly, resting his palms on Dean’s pectorals. “Could you trust me with that part of you?” 

“I…” Dean paused, seriously considering Castiel’s words. He’d never thought he’d find someone he could subject to hearing of the horrors he had to live through. Never even thought there’d be someone asking him to tell them. 

_ Could he trust Castiel? _

He didn’t even really know Castiel. But could he trust him? 

Could  _ he trust Castiel…? _

“Yes,” Dean said, leaning into Castiel and letting himself be guided to rest on Castiel’s cot. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Warning, NOT super explicit sex in this chapter. (Between Dean and Castiel with bottom!Cas and top!Dean; if that's not your thing you could probably skip over it, you'd just miss some of Dean's inner monologue.)

Now that Dean was on board with Castiel and the mission to take down the SM, plans came rather easily. To get in, they’d need explosives. When that had been brought up, Gabriel had loudly claimed he could get them and he had that entire ‘blowing up the wall thing’ down. It was a little more complicated than just blowing up the wall, but the sentiment was the same. 

Once in, they would need to move quick and get to the center of the city to the control tower. That’s where the SM’s headquarters were and where he would be. If they could shut down the transmitting signal before he knew they were there, they’d be able to do everything without many casualties. If the transmitter wasn’t shut down, though, it would be a different story because there was no guarantee that all the Sinless would be asleep in their homes. The children would be, but the adults could be having a party or parade or some other needless perk of living the charmed life. 

Still, the goal was to shut down the transmitter because Dean was certain that the SM would have some sort of defense put in to keep himself safe. He wasn’t certain, but he had a hunch that the Knights doubled as guards for the SM when he needed them. Back when he was being transported from the Knight’s mobil into Heaven, he saw the Knights talking to someone and then one of the kids that had helped with his abduction was called up. The three of them did some talking and then the kid had something injected into the back of his head. Dean didn’t know what it was, but he knew it wasn’t just a tracker. 

When the transmitter was shut down, all that really mattered was to get to the control room. That’s where the SM holed himself up twenty-four/seven. Only a small number of people would be able to go in there, so Castiel decided himself, Dean, and four others that Dean thought would be best to have with. Originally, Castiel suggested Balthazar, and Dean reluctantly agreed because no matter how much Dean hated him, Balthazar was an alright fighter. When Dean tried to track him down, he was nowhere to be found. He’d taken when Castiel had said to heart and just left. 

Lastly, Castiel had already been working on a plan of rebuilding after Heaven was liberated, so all they would need to do was begin putting the Sinless through a transitioning course so they wouldn’t be shell shocked at all the responsibilities they now had, along with the fact that they couldn’t have everything they wanted right when they wanted it. They’d have to work for it. 

The only disagreement anyone was having with the plan was what that transitioning course would entail. There were thirteen people in the command room right now, and everyone had something to say. Benny didn’t think having the Sinless going straight from Heaven into the transitioning course would work. It was too much like taking them from a perfectly heated bath and dumping them into an indoor lake; something that wasn’t cold, but not as warm as what the Sinless were used to and it would still affect them greatly. Jo, Charlie, and Gilda—Jo and Gilda being two people Dean had the pleasure of meeting recently and ended up getting along with fantastically, as well as Charlie’s girlfriends—agreed with Benny, but didn’t think they had a choice. Gabe and Hannah disagreed with both views and said that maybe leaving them be in Heaven to live their normal lives with some of the Wastelanders to regulate them while construction of a new, bigger Heaven commenced. Sam, Adam, and two geniuses named Kevin and Ash didn’t have much to say, but all four seemed to be thinking deeply. 

“Okay, look,” Benny started for the thousandth time. “We can’t just throw them into the program. They’ll be shell shocked and things will crumble.” 

“There are always going to be people who don’t want to do what they don’t want to do,” Jo said, “those people will make the program hard to implement, but we’ve come this far, we can’t just stop and think of something completely different for how to help the assholes in Heaven better transition.” 

“What about Hannah and my idea? What about leaving them in Heaven for a period of time to get used to the fact that things are changing and then putting them through the program?” Gabe asked. “Why wouldn’t that work?” 

“Because what happens when they revolt? Or when they refuse to listen to us anymore?” Jo shot back. 

“We give them an ultimatum,” Adam cut in, gaining only confused stares and furrowed eyebrows. “See, we tell them that it’s our way or no way.” 

A short silenced followed that declaration and Dean felt like he’d been punched in the gut as he got what Adam was implying. 

“You’re saying we kill them if they refuse to adapt to the new world order?” Gilda spoke up. 

“It’s dark and extreme, but look at what we’ve all had to go through our entire lives,” Adam said, darting his eyes over to Dean for just a quick second. “Look at all the pain they’ve caused just because they needed entertainment or someone to do their chores.” 

Another silence followed, only broken when Sam spoke up. 

“I agree,” he said, also darting his eyes over to Dean for a split second, “They’ve put us all through absolute hell, so what if we put them through a little hell, too?” 

“Hey,” Dean whispered to the both of them, a little taken back by how much anger he could see bubbling beneath the surface. “Calm down.” 

“No, actually, that’s a good idea,” Jo said, “As awful as it is to say it, we need to set boundaries. Not just for them, but for us, too. They’re in a position to do something harmful to us. Even after we’ve liberated them, they’ll still have an advantage we don’t and we need to get a foot up to be on level with them.” 

“We’re actually considering killing innocent people?” Hannah asked, horrified. 

“ _ As awful as it is to say _ ,” Jo repeated, “yes. We have to.” 

Gilda sighed. “What other option do we have to keep things from chaos?” she asked, looking at Hannah sincerely. “I want there to be another way, but is there one?” 

Hannah floundered for a moment, looking to Gabe and anyone else who hadn’t spoken up about this. 

“Confinement,” Dean said, drawing everyone’s attention to him. “We can keep them in a designated place where they have to live by themselves. We’ll have some of our people there to monitor, but they’ll live there and do manual labor. Then, and only then, if they refuse…” Dean took a deep breath. “Then we take drastic measures.” 

“That’s… Better,” Hannah said. “We don’t have to outright kill innocent people.” 

“They’re not innocent,” Adam hissed under his breath. Dean had to take another step back from Adam and his anger. He’d never seen either of his brothers like this before and it baffled him. 

“Okay,” Castiel said, knocking his knuckles on the table twice. “I think we’ve gotten enough done today. We’ll come back tomorrow with fresh eyes. Nine in the morning, everyone. Don’t be late.” 

Everyone filed out of the room after that except Castiel, Dean, Sam, and Adam. Castiel put his hand on Dean’s arm and gave it a squeeze, smiling reassuringly at Sam and Adam.

“Today was busy,” he said calmly, “and I know a lot of heavy things were discussed all in the last half hour. What you’re all about to discuss has nothing to do with that, so please try to rein in your emotions.” 

Sam and Adam both looked from Castiel’s hand on Dean’s arm to the man himself, confusion floating through his eyes before they nodded and Castiel made to leave. He stopped at Dean’s other side and leaned in, speaking so only Dean could hear. 

“I’ll see you in my room?” he asked. Dean inconspicuously grabbed Castiel’s hand and gave his own reassuring squeeze. 

“I’ll be there,” he said, trying and failing to hide his smile for Castiel. Ever since that night almost two months ago, Dean had been realizing he had a hard time hiding himself from Castiel and what the man made him feel. 

Castiel returned his smile discretely and then made a hasty exit, leaving Sam, Adam, and Dean alone in the command room. 

Dean turned back to see Sam and Adam looking at him with wide eyes. 

“What?” he asked, straightening his posture out of nervousness. Sam pointed to the door as he nodded like Dean should get the point at the same time Adam voiced what they were both thinking.

“You and Castiel?” 

Dean cleared his throat. “Me and Castiel what?” 

Both of them groaned loudly. 

“Don’t do that. We just saw the way you two were all…” Sam shoved his hands together, fingers interlaced. He made a big show of locking his fingers together, too. “Together.” 

Dean laughed nervously and shook his head because, no. He and Castiel weren’t together; not really. It was true they weren’t…  _ Not _ together, either. 

“We’re not…” Dean searched for how to answer their questioning looks, but he couldn’t. Not at this time. “Look, it doesn’t really matter right now. We can talk about it later. Right now—”

“Is he why you’ve been so happy these past few weeks?” Adam asked, his face scrunching up in something akin to disgust. “Oh, my God! You two have been fuc—”

“Hey!” Dean snapped, pointing at Adam. “No one has been… Doing  _ that _ . Alright? Castiel and I are not together, we’re… Talking.” 

“Talking about getting together,” Sam said under his breath. Adam nodded, his face still scrunched up in disgust. 

“Okay, hey, stop it. That’s not what we’re here to talk about, alright?” Dean said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “We’re here to talk about why you both were acting so weird barely even five minutes ago. Why you both were so, well, so angry.” 

The two of them shared a long look. Their facial expressions didn’t give up much, but Dean could see the minute changes in their eyebrows and the corners of their mouths. He didn’t call them out on it, and instead let them do their thing. Something he wouldn’t normally do, but Castiel helped him to not act out so much and keep his cool better. 

Sam sighed, finally, and turned back to Dean. 

“There’s no specific reason,” he said and Dean sincerely doubted that. “Everyone else just doesn’t understand how awful those… They’re not even human, anymore, Dean! They’re not people or persons or humans, they’re monsters. And no one knows better than us what they do—what they did to you!” 

“What they’re still doing to you, Dean,” Adam added, “They’re still hurting you. It’s not the SM we really want to get rid of…”

“We don’t care about the SM. We care about hurting the things that hurt you,” Sam said quietly. Both he and Adam looked away from Dean, guilt written all across their faces. 

Dean took a deep breath, letting both himself and his brothers cool off. 

“I’m not gonna lie and say that I’m not a little disappointed that that’s the reason you two joined Castiel,” Dean said firmly. “I’m also not gonna lie and say that I don’t understand why you feel the way you do.” Both Sam and Adam shot their heads up, mouths agape and primed to start questioning him, but Dean just continued. “Being here… It’s a good idea. We deserve to be free and so do all the other people out in the Wasteland. I’m glad you two joined. Being here has been good for all of us.” 

“Really?” Adam asked, looking hopeful. Dean smiled at him again and nodded his head. 

“Really,” he agreed. Adam’s face broke out in a proud smile and Dean hated that he was about to change it back to a frown. “But, it’s been bad for all of us, too.”

“What?” Adam said. 

“How?” Sam asked. 

“Today is just one example,” Dean explained. “I could  _ see  _ how much hatred you held for the people in Heaven when you were talking about that ultimatum. You two  _ really  _ worried me with that because yes, they did hurt me. But that’s because that’s the only way they know how to act. They don’t know that it’s wrong, you hear me?” 

“But—”

“No. No buts.” Dean gave each of his brothers a firm look. “If you really want to hurt who hurt me, you go after the SM or the Knights abducting people. The SM taught the Sinlesses how their world worked and that’s all they know. And the Knights have a choice, and they’re making the wrong one,” he said. “Are we clear?” 

It took a moment for either of them to answer, but they both eventually answered with affirmative head nods and that was enough for Dean. He sent them on their way to bed, but not before hugging each of them tightly and wishing them to sleep well. 

Dean stayed back for a minute, though, letting himself decompress and sort through the most pressing matters of everything gone over today in the meeting. He often found that he thought best after all this information was thrown at him and then he had alone time. Hell, most of the good ideas he came up with were after the official meetings. Now was no different. 

Dean sat down in the chair at the head of the map table and closed his eyes to think things through. 

A confinement camp for those who refused to play by the rules. Those individuals would do the manual labor needed to keep a society running, and if they still refused… That’s when the tough decisions would have to be made. 

As for those from Heaven who would follow the rules, a version of Gabe and Hannah’s plan would work. They could live in Heaven, still, but they’d have to go through the transitioning course. Whether they wanted to go through it while they still lived in Heaven, or some other preplanned place. 

Now, Dean was certain of that plan, he moved onto the next: the SM. How were they going to take him out? Dean wasn’t sure what was in his tower and he couldn’t help but worry about what they would be greeted with then they got in. 

For all he knew, there was an army of brainless Knights there, keeping him safe and intruders out. That probably wasn’t what was protecting the SM, but it was about as good as any other guesses. 

When Dean and whoever else was going to be assigned as the ones to break into the control room, they would have to be quick on their feet and even quicker at adapting. That was their best shot. Dean knew he could handle it, and he was pretty certain Castiel could handle it, but as for anyone else? He’d have to pay closer attention during training in the next month. 

“Dean?” Castiel’s soft voice made Dean jump. “Sorry, there,” he laughed, coming over to stand next to Dean. “You were taking longer than usual. What were you thinking about just now?” 

Dean leaned back in his chair and smiled up at Castiel, grabbing his hand and pulling him to stand in front of him. Castiel leaned back against the table, smiling back down at Dean. 

“Where do you go when you’re in here after everyone else?” he asked. Dean shrugged and scooted back forward, putting his hands on Castiel’s hips. 

“I was just thinking about our plan,” he said. “What we’re going to encounter when he get to the SM’s tower. The usual.” 

“Hm,” Castiel murmured, hopping back up onto the table and hooking his feet around the legs of Dean’s chair. “Maybe you should, I don’t know, think about something else before you go to bed?” 

Dean chuckled. “You’re usually pretty good at distracting me before I fall asleep,” he said. Castiel smiled brightly down at him and Dean fell even more for the man. He stood up slowly, almost like in a trance, looking into Castiel’s eyes the entire time. Castiel’s smile never wavered and when Dean finally stood at his full height, Castiel draped his arms over Dean’s shoulders, pulling him in so their foreheads rested against each others. 

“I like distracting you,” he whispered. “It’s a distraction for myself, too. One I’ve never had before, and I feel… Whole, now that I have it. Now that I have you.” 

“Whole,” Dean repeated in a shaky breath. 

“Do you feel it, too?” Castiel asked, hope and uncertainty in his voice. Dean wasn’t sure why he would ever feel uncertain when it came to them. Dean felt things he’d never felt before when he was with Castiel. It was like a drug, and Dean didn’t ever want to give that up. He didn’t think he even could give it up. Especially not when their futures were so uncertain. 

“I feel it, too,” Dean whispered. Castiel’s breath caught in his throat and for that moment, time stood still. It was just Dean and Castiel together and, well, complete together. 

The moment was over both too soon, and not soon enough, and when it was over, Castiel pulled their mouths together desperately. He wrapped both his arms and legs around Dean and kissed him like tomorrow wasn’t going to come. Dean kissed back just as desperately, threading a hand into Castiel’s hair and wrapping an arm around Castiel’s waist so he could hold Castiel close. 

They kissed until they needed air, and even then, they didn’t go far, still wanting to press kisses to each others lips when they caught their breath or the need got to be too much. 

“Dean, I want you,” Castiel said breathlessly, snaking an arm down between their bodies to slip two fingers into the front of Dean’s pants. “Please. I want you now.” 

Dean inhaled shakily, unsure of what to do. He knew what Castiel was asking. Of course he knew what sex was, and what it meant between partners. He wanted to be with Castiel, too, but… He was scared, maybe. Castiel was several years younger than him, and Dean didn’t know if Castiel really knew what he was asking. Sex was a very hush subject out in the Wasteland. Not many people offered up any information about it and kids just had to figure it out for themselves. 

Dean was one of the rare cases where his father talked to him about it, and answered every question he had. Then he passed his knowledge on to Sam, answered his questions, and then he did the same for Adam. 

“Dean, please,” Castiel said, tugging at the front of Dean’s pants. “I’ve been waiting for this for years. I’ve been waiting for  _ you. _ ” 

Dean let out a strained breath. “What?” 

“Please?” Desperation was dripping from Castiel’s lips, making Dean’s resolve crumble. “I know what I’m asking. I do, Dean, I know. Just… I need you. I’ve been waiting for this moment since I was thirteen, hoping and dreaming that I’d have the privilege of you falling for me.” 

Dean pulled back to look into Castiel’s eyes. He saw nothing but love and hope and sincerity there, and that made him hug Castiel close and kiss him deeply for a long moment. After he pulled away, he rested his forehead back against Castiel’s, taking a moment to breathe before he nodded. 

“Let’s go to your room, okay?” He whispered, earning an appreciative and frenzied kiss from Castiel. 

“Let’s go,” Castiel said, eagerly hopping down from the table and pulling Dean down the few corridors to his room. He pushed Dean into his room and as soon as the door was closed Castiel shoved Dean into it, devouring his mouth. 

That only lasted so long before Castiel got impatient and started pushing Dean towards his cot. He ordered Dean to lay down before pulling his own shirt off with lightning speed and then straddling Dean’s hips. More frantic kissing came after that, and then the rest of both their clothes followed. 

When Castiel finally let Dean flip them over and control the pace a little bit, things slowed down. Dean kissed every inch of Castiel’s face and neck and chest he could, revelling in the reactions he got from Castiel with each one. It wasn’t until Castiel was begging him for more that he finally slipped his hand down and took ahold of Castiel’s member, moving his hand in slow strokes until Castiel tensed and cried out. 

Dean spent the few minutes after that pressing kissed into Castiel’s hairline, whispering sweet words to him, waiting for Castiel to come back to him. Once Castiel was able to form a coherent sentence, he pecked him and then grabbed the oil Castiel had set out after taking his shirt off. He coated his fingers and then slipped his hand down again, hesitating at the last second. 

“You’re sure?” He wanted to confirm Castiel wanted this. 

“Ten years, Dean,” Castiel said, “I’ve been wanting this for ten years and not once has my mind changed or wavered.” 

Dean kissed him again, slipping his tongue into Castiel’s mouth at the same time he slipped his fingers inside Castiel’s heat. The gasp that that action gained was music to Dean’s ears and made him more grateful for Castiel. 

One soon turned into two, and two turned into three. After  _ ‘hours’ _ , as Castiel put it when complaining he wanted more, of three fingers, Dean finally gathered more oil to coat his own manhood, positioned himself against Castiel after he was sure he’d used enough. He gave Castiel a moment, and only moved forward when Castiel gave him the go ahead. 

Pushing into Castiel was better than he though anything could ever feel. He’d never experienced this kind of euphoria with any of the partners he’d been with before, and he was certain he’d never feel this level of amazing with anyone but Castiel. 

Neither Dean or Castiel lasted long, but that wasn’t important. What was important was the closeness they felt towards each other. Like that feeling of being whole reached a new level of true. Before, they felt whole together, but now, they felt like one being that nothing could come between. 

“I love you,” Dean whispered against Castiel’s lips. 

“I love you, too,” Castiel whispered back, smiling a special smile he’d never show anyone but Dean. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably the worst chapter tbh. it's my least favorite, so you could probably just skim it if you want and get the message. At this time is when I lost my motive for writing this. I still love it like my own baby, but I lost the passion and drive, I guess? 
> 
> From this chapter till the end, I would keep in mind that the content and writing is under construction, still (even after several attempts at rewriting and editing). I’ll eventually get it how I want it to be, but it’s not there yet.

Dean didn’t think he could ever feel this way while he was still alive and healthy. He always thought this level of happiness was saved for the moment right before death. The moment when you relived all of the best times of your life. He saw it multiple times with some of the fighters who died in the underbelly of the arena. The peace and serenity on their faces just seconds before they stopped breathing. That’s the place Dean lived now.

Things with Castiel were perfect, Sam and Adam were completely healed and healthy, and the plan of attack was in its final stages and Dean was feeling confident about it, too. The only thing left to cement into the plan was choosing who was going to go with into the SM’s control room. Dean had been teaching fighting techniques and running through survival strategies with the soldiers for the past three weeks, watching them carefully at their reaction times and their abilities to think even faster.

Gilda was proving to be a promising candidate, a girl named Meg was blossoming under the pressure, and a boy named Nathaniel was doing just as well, and another girl Lily was surprising him. The four of them were Dean’s top choices. If all four of them accepted, it would be him, Castiel, and them four teamed up in the SM’s control room. Now all was left was the daunting task of proposing the offer to the four of them. Castiel had offered to do it alone, but Dean thought them doing it together would be best.

He’d already told Gilda, Meg, and Lily to meet him and Castiel outside the command room before curfew, he was working on talking to Nathaniel now.

“Nathaniel,” Dean called, motioning him to come over just as the bell signalling dinner time sounded. Nathaniel frowned, but said goodbye to his friends and then headed over to stand before Dean.

“Sir,” he greeted.

Dean gave him a nod in return. “Well, I want to start by telling you that your scores for the survival tests and scenarios, as well as your hand-to-hand combat, have all really impressed me,  Nathaniel.”

Nathaniel’s worry disappeared from his face and a smile broke out. “Really?”

Dean nodded. “Yes, you’ve been doing a really stellar job and because of that, I want you to come meet me outside the command room before curfew. We’ve already alerted the night guards of your status, so you won’t get in trouble or anything.”

“Hold on, I’m sorry,” Nathaniel said, “‘We’?”

“Myself and Castiel,” Dean said, nodding. Nathaniel’s eyes widened and he took a step back.

“The leader?” He squeaked. “I’m going to meet the leader?”

Dean had to hold back the laugh that was threatening to escape. He’d forgotten how big of a deal Castiel was.

“Yes. You will,” Dean said. “You and three other soldiers were specially picked for this opportunity.”

“No way.” Nathaniel ran a hand through his hair. “Is it a mission? What are we doing? Are we—”

“It’s a confidential matter as of right now.” Dean put a hand on Nathaniel’s shoulder. “Just meet us in front of the command room before curfew and we’ll explain everything. Sound good?” he said, still holding back his laughter as Nathaniel nodded enthusiastically. “Alright, now go get dinner. You need the fuel.”

Nathaniel jogged off, glowing and smiling wide.

~~~

Nathaniel was the first to show up. Gilda followed shortly after, and then Meg and Lily together. Dean let them all in to the command room and had them take a seat as he took the seat to the right of the head of the table.

“Castiel will be here shortly. He’d finishing up his duties for the day and then he’ll—” Dean was cut off as the door opened and he smiled at the head of black hair that entered. “Speak of the devil.”

“Hello everyone,” Castiel greeted, giving Meg, Lily, and Nathaniel bright smiles while he patted Gilda on the shoulder as he passed. “Now, we don’t have a large amount of time, so we’re going to try and get this done fairly quick, but nonetheless, I want to say thank you to each of you.”

Meg leaned back in her chair and nodded in response. Lily sat straight up in her seat and just blinked. Nathaniel leaned forward and voiced his answer quietly. Dean couldn’t help the smile that broke out on his face at the kid’s eagerness.

“So, this confidential assignment?” Gilda prompted. Dean had come to know that she shared a room with both Charlie and Jo and he could only assume that she was anxious to get back to them and get to sleep. She’d taken a good workout today in her combat rotation.

“Right,” Castiel began, “Let’s preface this meeting quickly with the face that what we say in this room is not to leave it. The plans we make here don’t need to be known by everyone here. Understood?”

“Yeah,” Meg and Nathaniel said at the same time. Lily flicked her eyes to Dean and Gilda nodded. Dean took that as his cue to stand up.

“We’ve come up with an attack plan for how to get into Heaven and how to get to the control tower,” he said, “But the tricky part comes after we get into the tower.”

“We need to get to the SM’s control room as quick as possible. The goal is to ambush him before he knows what’s hit him,” Castiel said, “That’s our best chance to take him down with the least amount of casualties.”

“You’re here because no one knows what’s in the SM’s control room,” Dean said, “and we need people who have fast reflexes and are even faster at coming up with answers to an ever changing plan.”

“You’ll need to not only be quick on your feet, but you’ll need to be quick in thinking yourself out of harm's way,” Castiel said. “We’re not going to lie, there’s no guarantee you’ll make it out of there alive. It’ll be dangerous and more likely than not, you’ll be hurt.”

“We can’t stress enough now dangerous this, well, this mission will be. Every part of our plan builds up to the conclusion that we defeat the SM. If we don’t, we just signed everyone’s death sentence,” Dean said. “So, take a day to really think this over and meet us back here tomorrow night with your answers—”

“I’ll do it,” Meg interrupted.

“Me too,” Nathaniel said, giving Dean a determined smile. Dean smiled back at him and gave Meg a nod, too. He looked to Lily and was surprised to see her smiling a little.

“Same,” she said quietly.

“Gilda?” Castiel asked quietly, sitting patiently and waiting for her to answer him.

“I can take a day to think about it?” She asked after some time.

“Of course,” Castiel said. “We have two more soldiers that could take your place, so take your time to think it over.” He turned to Meg, Lily, and Nathaniel, now, too. “I urge you three to still think this over, too. It’s a big decision and not one to be taken lightly.”

The three of them nodded with serious expressions.

“Okay, thank you all for meeting with us,” Castiel said. “You’re all dismissed. Get some rest, you’ve all been dismissed from rotations tomorrow so you can take the day tomorrow to think about this. We’ll meet here again tomorrow with your final answers.”

Lily, Meg, and Nathaniel stood up quietly and exited, saying goodnight before they got out the door. Gilda sat still in her seat and Castiel nodded for Dean to go to their room.

“Take your time,” Dean said quietly and gave Castiel’s cheek a peck. He gently patted Gilda on the shoulder and wished her goodnight, too, before he stepped out and closed the door behind him.

“Dean.”

Dean whipped around, almost throwing his arm out to punch the person who’d startled him, but saw it was only Sam and calmed down.

“Don’t scare me like that,” he scolded, waving him to follow as he began in the direction of Castiel and his room. “Why are you still up, anyway? You have a curfew.”

“I needed to talk to you,” he said, “technically Adam and I needed to talk to you, but Adam didn’t want to sneak out.”

“Well, good on him,” Dean joked. “Not a rule breaker like you are, huh?”

“Dean, listen, this is serious,” Sam said. “This is about Cas.”

Dean side eyed Sam. “What about him?”

“We like him.”

Dean furrowed his brows. “I know that. Why tell me that now?”

“Because he makes you happy,” Sam said. “And, Dean, you’re acting like your old self.”

Dean came to a stop, turning to face Sam. “My old self?”

“You’re the Dean I remember from before you and dad were taken,” Sam said. “You’re not the hardened arena fighter or the closed off robotic house slave they made you into in Heaven. You’re… You’re _you_ again.” Sam shook his head and looked down, sniffling a tiny bit. “Adam and I were okay with how things were after you came back, but we weren’t happy. We knew that that was just how things had to be, yeah, and we were as happy as we could be, but we weren’t like we are now.”

“We’re not going to leave when we win this war,” Dean said, “if that’s what you’re trying to say. We’re not going to go back to how things used to be in our family. The people here? They’re our family now, too.”

Sam wiped at his eyes before looking back up to meet Dean’s eyes.

“Thank you,” he whispered. Dean didn’t say anything, he just pulled Sam in for a hug.

~~~

The next night, everyone met at the same spot, in the same order. Dean let them in again, and they all took their same spots as yesterday, even Dean. Castiel was in there when they got in, so he immediately began talking once everyone was seated.

“We don’t have much time, again, so, I’m just going to get right into it. If you’re not able to be apart of this team, I ask you to leave now,” he said. No one got up and Castiel smiled. “Alright, well, let’s get to work then?”

“Over the next eight weeks, we’re going to be working around the clock—save for meals and sleeping—on building our team into a functioning one,” Dean said. “We’re going to be learning how each of us fights and thinks, that way we can predict what we’re going to do and work as one.”

“That’s awesome,” Nathaniel said. Meg rolled her eyes playfully and Gilda smiled at them. Lily tried to hide her face as a small smile crept its way into her features.

“That’s one way to look at it, but it won’t be easy work,” Castiel said. “You need to be dedicated. Willing to change and ultimately trust in your teammates.”

“They’re going to be your saving grace,” Dean said.

“So, where do we start?” Lily asked.

“We start here, but when those alarms go off, we go outside and kill mutants together,” Dean said, “Whenever that alarm goes off, we go outside and do our best together. That’s where the most learning will happen.”

“There are no mutants right now, though,” Nathaniel said. “What do we do in the meantime?”

Castiel smiled mischievously. “Pick a partner,” he said.

~~~

Over the first week, Lily and Meg bonded quickly. They were almost the same person and made one hell of a team. In the seven days since they started team building, they’d had to go out two times as mutants attacked and the two girls were fierce together.

Nathaniel and Gilda took a little more time, but they figured out their rhythm together, too. They both just had to work a little harder to understand why the other made certain choices over others. By their second week bring partnered was over, they were like siblings.

Lily and Gilda were a quick bond, too. They seemed to both have a love of, well, women and found comfort in their shared sexuality.

Nathaniel and Lily were a bit different, and took the longest to get use to each other. They almost seemed to be polar opposites, but even then, they were able to find common ground and use that to each other’s advantage. By their third week as partners, they had become good friends.

Meg and Gilda were like Nathaniel and Lily in the same way. Almost polar opposites, but their shared genders made it easier to overcome those differences. Even with the differences, in the first week, there were four mutant attacks. The first two were rocky, but the last two were seamless. No one really knew how they befriended each other so quickly, but they did.

Surprisingly, Meg and Nathaniel only needed a few days before they could work together, and their bond was even stronger by the end of the week. Something about the brash nature of Meg and the no filter on Nathaniel made for a very real and deep connection.

Lastly, as for how both Dean and Castiel got along with the others, it was no surprise that no problems arised for them. Dean and Castiel were already like one person and didn’t need to build up their connection, but they lead by example.

Dean and Nathaniel were easy friends because Dean appreciated Nathaniel’s optimism. Dean and Meg shared a brashness to their characters, and clashed sometimes, but not in any negative way. They enjoyed being able to pick on the other with no consequences or hurt feelings. Dean and Lily were a good match, probably because Dean was able to get Lily out of her shell a bit and encouraged her to speak up. Dean and Gilda both liked the old books and tomes in the library about way back before the war that left them in the Wasteland. They were both fascinated by the documentation of that era of history.

Castiel, on the other hand, already knew each of the soldiers already. Nothing more than general knowledge, but he was still able to form fast friendships with everyone. Castiel and Lily were both fond of gardening and the calmness it brought them to plant something in the artificial dirt pods they had in the sun room and watch them grow. Castiel and Meg found themselves talking about anything and everything, really. Nothing was off limits for the two of them. Castiel and Nathaniel’s relationship grew over talking about strategy and the logistics of fighting rather than the actual act of fighting. Lastly, Castiel and Gilda were already friends, so most of their time was spent doing what they normally did: reading old books about fantastic adventures of long time ago heroes.

After six weeks, the team trusted each other to the ends of the earth. They’d gone out countless times to fight against mutants and talked strategy for hours. Lily, Meg, and Nathaniel had been briefed on the entire plan to invade, shut down the transmitter, get to the SM’s control tower and then take down the SM.

During a meeting two months after Dean and Castiel gathered their team together, with everyone from the original leaders group, as well as now the new three soldiers, in attendance in the drawing room, the time when the plan would be set into action was as soon as possible.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably my second worst written chapter. It feels a little rushed to me. And a little implausible.

Castiel had already given a rousing battle speech, gearing up everyone to fight. Now it was just a matter of Gabe getting the explosives in place and ready. 

Dean could feel the energy of everyone in the air, and it only served to make his adrenaline levels keep steady. 

“What’s taking so long?” Lily asked as she came up next to Dean. “I thought this was about getting in and to the SM as fast as we could?” 

“Well, yeah,” Dean said. “It is, but the getting in is going to be the longest part. Once were in, I mean… We’re in.” 

Lily smiled for a moment. And then her face turned to a look of concentration. “Can I ask you to do something for me? I mean if I don’t, you know, if I don’t make it?” 

“We promised not to talk like that,” Dean said. He didn’t like hearing any of the six of them say things like that, even though the likelihood of at least one of them getting at least hurt was very high. 

“I know, but I need someone to look for my girlfriend,” Lily said. “I know she’s probably not… Here anymore, but just in case, her name is Maddie—or, Madison. Madison Montgomery. Will you look for her?” 

Dean suppressed his frown and nodded, wrapping his arm around Lily’s shoulders. 

“I’ll look for her,” he said. 

“Thank you,” Lily whispered. Silence followed and for a long time, all Dean could do was pray to whatever might be listening. Pray that Lily made it. That Castiel, Nathaniel, Meg, and Gilda made it and that Sam and Adam stayed safe. Dean prayed with his whole being that everyone he cared about was kept safe, out of harm’s way. 

Dean prayed that he was kept safe, too. He felt like he finally deserved to have a life, he wasn’t ready to give that up yet. Especially not when his brothers still had so much living to do themselves. He wanted to be there to see it. 

Castiel, too. He wanted to grow old with him, and see the world they helped to create come to fruition. 

There was so much so many people here needed to see. Dean wanted all of them to be able to see it, live it. 

Gabe jumped up from the ground and turned around in a flourish. “Done!” 

Dean quickly sent one last prayer to whatever was listening up there, out there, in the air, wherever. He just wanted things to work out for everyone. 

“All you have to do now is light this wick and in ten seconds, the gate will be cracked in half,” Gabe said to Castiel. Dean gave Lily a squeeze and then made his way over to Castiel and Gabe. 

“Alright,” Castiel said to himself. 

“Are you ready?” Gabe asked, holding out his lighter for Castiel to take. Castiel did and flipped it open, igniting the flame. He stared at it for a few moments before flipping it closed again. 

“Do you want me to do it?” Dean asked quietly, placing his hand at the small of Castiel’s back for comfort. 

“No,” Castiel said. “I have to do it.” 

“Alright,” Dean said, “Take your time.” 

Castiel flipped open the lighter again. 

“It’s now or never, right?” he asked, looking back at Dean over his shoulder. Dean nodded his head. 

“Now or never,” he said so only Castiel could hear. 

“Now it is, then,” Castiel said. He took a deep breath and then dropped the lighter. 

Dean watched it fall as if in slow motion. He had to admire the strength it took Castiel to do that, because that didn’t just bring down the gates. It signified the start of something that would end in not only freedom and liberty, but heartbreak and loss too. 

When the lighter hit the ground, everything sped up again and Dean threw himself into the plan. He kept his eyes and ears trained on his team as the gate cracked along the lines of where Gabe has put the explosives. It almost looking like it jumped out of it’s frame and then began falling. 

Everyone seemed to hold their breath the moment it teetered in its spot, and then fell forward. As soon as it hit the ground, dust wooshed out around it and covered everyone in a thick layer of dirt. 

When everything settled, Kevin, Ash, Benny, and the six who were to head to take care of the SM stepped quickly into the paradise city of Heaven while the rest of the Lancers created a blockade in the opening. If anyone were to try and get in or out, they’d have to deal with them first. 

The eight newcomers in Heaven took in their surroundings as they moved, awed by all the colorful buildings and the sheer cleanliness of it all. 

“Kevin, where’s the transmitter?” Castiel cut down to business. “Is it transmitting anything?” 

“Not that I can tell,” Kevin said. “I don’t think we’ve been noticed yet. I was able to falsify the data being sent back to the control tower for now, but it won’t be reporting that everything is fine for a whole lot longer.” 

“Okay, we need to pick up our pace,” Dean said, grimacing to himself at the familiarity of all this. “We don’t know exactly what kind of guards the SM has, but we know they’re going to be under some form of mind control so the sooner we can get to the transmitter, the sooner we protect our people.” 

“Where is it, Kevin?” Meg asked now. “Where is the signal—”

“Whoa, wait,” Dean interrupted, stopping everybody where they were hidden behind one of the buildings he remembered were a family housing units. He peeked around the corner and both thanked and cursed himself that he could remember what road they were at. “This is the main road,” he said, “we can follow it in the shadows of the buildings and get to the control tower.” 

“That’s not where the signal is coming from,” Kevin said. “The transmitter’s signal is coming from all the way from the other side of the city.” 

“Fuck,” Dean groaned. There wouldn’t be enough time to get to the transmitter and to the SM if it was all the way on the other side of the city. “There isn’t enough time.” 

“Okay, so, improvise, what do we do?” Gilda asked. 

“Benny, Ash, and Kevin get to the transmitter regardless,” Nathaniel said. “You three have a good chance of staying hidden better than with us, anyway.” 

“That’s true,” Meg said. 

“We can go to the control tower while you guys do that,” Lily spoke up. “We’ll be splitting our attack in two and doing more damage that way anyway.” 

Castiel nodded. “That’s the plan.”

“You guys go, stay in the shadows and if anyone sees you, just pretend to be in costume and you’re preparing for a parade,” Dean said. “We need to go now.” 

“Right,” Kevin said, tapping the screen of his device and pointing in the opposite direction the other six were going. “Good luck.” 

“You, too,” Castiel said and then they split up. Kevin, Ash, and Benny ran in the one direction while Nathaniel, Meg, Lily, Gilda, Dean, and Castiel started in the other. They stayed in the shadows and kept as quiet as humanly possible when voices or other noises were heard. 

When the buildings changed to taller and skinnier structures, Dean turned back to the group. 

“We’re getting close. These are single person homes. They’re in the middle of the city,” he said in a hushed voice. “The tower shouldn’t be very much farther. We just have to pass the—” Dean came to a complete stop in his train of thought, stumbling for a few steps as he realized what they’d need to pass to get to the control tower. 

“Pass the what?” Meg asked. 

Dean slowed down and pressed himself against the cool cement of the buildings. His heart raced, but it wasn’t from fear, really. Mainly dread and anger, now.

“Dean, are you okay?” Lily asked. Castiel came up and put his hand on Dean’s shoulder. 

“No, no, I’m okay,” Dean said, even though he wasn’t completely. “We just have to pass the arena and then we’re… We’re there.” 

Dean heard several gasps at once but ignored them and pushed his dread of seeing that place again down. He pushed himself off the wall and look to Castiel. 

“I’ll be okay. Let’s just go. The sooner we do this the sooner we get this over with,” he said. “I’m sorry for scaring you.” 

Castiel looked deep into his eyes. “You’re okay,” he confirmed and then nodded for Dean to get going and lead the way again. 

“The arena isn’t far from these homes,” Dean explained as they moved faster. “The goal is to get the right people to attend the fights, and the majority of the people who go to fights are the single adults. Married adults don’t go often because there are other… Parties you can only attend to when you’re married. It’s part of how the SM gets citizens to get married. Plus, you’re only allowed a slave when you’re married and have kids.” 

Meg scoffed in disgust. “That’s just wrong.” 

Dean agreed deeply, but the rules of Heaven were what they were. The only hope they had to change was the plan they were acting out now. 

“This is the last complex,” Dean said as they approached it. All six of them were breathing hard, but kept moving in their hideout in the dark. “The arena is just up there.” 

Nathaniel pointed up in the general direction of the arena and began, “So we just need to—” A loud cheer erupted then. It made Dean feel sick to his stomach to hear it. 

“It’s a big fight. Probably the end of the quartern ‘best of the best’ fight,” Dean explained. “We’ll be able to slip past unnoticed.” 

“End of the quartern?” Meg asked quietly. Dean ignored her and motioned for everyone to come closer. 

“This stretch is pretty well lit, as you can see, so we’ll have to be quick,” he said. “Do you all see the small shack all the way over there past the arena?” Dean pointed to the small structure with a slanted roof just on the other side of the arena. “That’s where you need to get to. That’s the only place we can regroup between the arena and the tower.” 

Dean heard a chorus of affirmative noises and took a deep breath. “I’ll go first,” he said. “Watch me closely so you know what to do. And I mean exactly what to do. Any deviation could mean exposure. Alright.” Another chorus of affirmations met his ears, so he got ready to sprint. 

“Dean,” Castiel said, stopping him just before he could sprint. Dean looked back at him and saw what he was trying to say in his eyes. 

“I’ll be okay,” he said, giving Castiel a reassuring smile. Castiel’s brow creased in worry and he pulled Dean in for a quick kiss. 

“I’ll see you on the other side,” he said, letting go of Dean’s arm. 

Dean tore his eyes away from Castiel’s and centered himself again, crouching down for a good ten seconds before launching himself forward into the light. He ran as fast as he could until he reached a small vendor he ducked into. Only for a second, though, any more and you’d risk activating the Android employee that slept, for lack of a better word, in the back. 

Dean ducked and weaved between each of the vendors effortlessly, dodging the pressure sensitive ones and using the older, slower ones to his advantage. He quickly, but efficiently, made his way to the very last structure at the end of the line. The only one that wasn’t a vendor. It was a storage shed for supplies. 

As soon as Dean made it to the safety of the darkness inside, he turned back to make sure everyone else got here safely. 

Meg was next. She looked like a blur as she copied Dean’s movements like she’d studied them for years. Next was Nathaniel, and he did just as Dean expected he would. Then came Lily, Gilda, and lastly Castiel. 

“We’re about a hundred feet from the tower,” Dean said quietly. “All you have to do is follow me, alright? The path from here to the tower is dark to deter citizens from it. Good for us, but that also means we’ll need to be careful where we step. Now would be a good time to pull out weapons.” 

Nods all around gave Dean the clear and he pulled both of his blades from their sheathes before he began to lead everyone out of the shack slowly. 

“Eyes and ears open,” he said, stepping cautiously and listening closely. The only sound he could hear was the other’s breathing and footsteps. It was almost too quiet. Unnervingly quiet. It set Dean’s instincts into overload and every single last one of his cells was telling him to get the hell out of here. “Do you guys feel that?” he asked. 

“That uneasiness?” Meg supplied. 

“The feeling that we should be nowhere near here?” Nathaniel said.

“Something bad is about to happen,” Lily whispered. Dean nodded his head to that, forcing himself forward. 

“Just… be prepared,” he said. “The tower is close.” 

“Stop,” Gilda said urgently. “It’s right in front of you. I can see the outline.” 

Dean reached out and sure enough, there it was, right in front of him. He felt around for the door handle and grasped it tightly when he found it.

“Get ready,” Dean whispered, waiting for the noise of movement to stop before he braced himself and hauled the door open. 

The only thing they were met with was a dim blue light. Nathaniel began forward, but Dean stopped him and took his place, scouting out the room before he waved the rest inside. 

Everyone looked around, touched the walls and examined the floor for any traps doors. 

“There’s nothing here?” Gilda said, confusion evident in her voice. A look around at all of them and Dean saw confusion on each of their faces. He opened his mouth to say something when in the blink of an eye, Lily touched some trigger on the wall and stairs began to jut out from the wall, spiraling up the tower walls all the way to the top. 

“Huh,” Dean murmured. 

“I guess the only way is up?” Meg supplied. Dean followed the stairs with his eyes to the top and nodded, looking to Castiel as he motioned with his head upwards. 

“Let’s go,” Castiel said. Dean moved over to the first step and hesitantly set his weight on it. 

“Alright, we need to still be quiet,” he said. 

“The stairs retract into the wall and that means if we alert whoever is up there that we're here, they’ll just retract the steps,” Gilda supplied. 

“Exactly,” Dean said, starting up the stairs. 

One by one, they all climbed, slowly making their way up to the top. Dean took this time to pray, again. He prayed Kevin’s data disruptor was still working and than him, Ash, and Benny were still safe. He prayed Sam, Adam, and the rest of the Lancers were still safe. He supposed that if a citizen had seen the gates they would’ve already gone and reported the anomaly, but since the arena was having that special fight night, they would be safe for a while at least. The true worry was the data disruptor, really. So, Dean didn’t just pray now, he willed it to still be working. It had to be. 

Dean reached the top step, Nathaniel only a few steps behind him. He stepped cautiously onto the platform there and then into a small space with a curtain, faded curtain in front of him. 

“This is it,” he informed everyone as they stepped into the space with him. 

“It is,” Meg said, looking at the curtain with a curious expression. “He’s in there.” 

“Then brace yourself,” Dean whispered, “and let me go first. I can draw his attention and you can blitz attack him.” 

“Got it,” Meg said for everyone. Dean took another deep breath and then moved forward, pushing the curtain aside only enough for himself to get through. 

The sight he was greeted with almost made him vomit. 

A hairless, stark white skinned, sickly looking man sat in a chair in the middle of the room, wheezing as arms of a machine worked around him. Dean saw wires attached to everywhere on his head, as well as wires coming from just about every other place on his body, too. 

That had to be painful.

_ “I’ve been waiting for you,” _ A mechanical voice boomed around him.  _ “Dean Winchester? The only life to ever escape me.” _

Dean stepped forward, absently noticing that the arms sprouting from the back of the skeleton-looking man’s chair begin to turn towards him. 

“Who are you?” Dean asked, looking directly at the man in the chair. 

_ “He’s almost nothing, anymore,” _ the mechanical voice answered while the skeleton man in gasped violently and convulsed in his chair.  _ “Well, I guess he’s deserving of some credit. He’s the original Splendid Master, but he’s barely a husk of a human now.” _

Dean’s nausea increased. “He’s the man who created Heaven?” He asked, “He’s still alive?” 

_ “He’s the man who created the prototype of  _ my  _ creation!” _

“Alright,” Dean said warily, still eyeing the man in the chair. “So who—or what are you?” 

_ “I’m a God.”  _

“Sure,” Dean scoffed. “Sorry, I don’t believe in self proclaimed Gods.” 

_ “I’m not self proclaimed. Just look at all my followers.” _ A huge screen behind the man in the chair turned on and pictures and videos of citizens of Heaven played for him.  _ “You see how they bow for me? Thank me and worship me. _ I  _ don’t proclaim to be a god, these people do.”  _

“That’s only because you brainwashed them,” Dean said. “If these people had free will and an actual education, do you think they’d appreciate what you’ve done to them for generations upon generations upon—”

_ “Enough! You know nothing of my followers and how much they love me,”  _ it said. Dean shrugged noncommittally. 

“Agree to disagree,” he said. One of the arms to his left made this screeching sound and shook in what Dean supposed was anger. “So, where are you? I see these arms you have, but I don’t see you…” 

_ “It doesn’t matter where I am. What matters is that you’ve given yourself up now. I know there are intruders and I’ve already sent out a distress signal to the Knights.”  _

“Ah, I was right,” Dean said. “I figured you would use the Knights for more than just getting you slaves and fighters.” 

The high pitched squeaking sound of metal against metal distracted Dean and the next thing he knew he was being held incapacitated by two of the arms.

_ “You think you’re smart?”  _

“When I want to be,” Dean said casually smirking to himself internally as he saw the shadow from one of his teammates lurking in the darkness. 

_ “You should check yourself. You don’t know as much as you think.” _

“Yeah? Then tell me,” Dean said, appealing the the narcissistic side of this thing. It wouldn’t give up the chance to tell it’s life story. “Tell me your story. I mean, you’re going to kill me anyway, right? Wouldn’t it feel nice to have at least one other person know your story? I speak from experience, and I can tell you it’s very weightlifting.” 

The thing made a whirring noise as it thought. 

_ “You want me to tell you everything?”  _ it asked. Dean nodded his head. 

“Yeah,” he said. “It’ll be my last bedtime story.” 

_ “Your last bedtime story?” _ a horrible creaking sound met the room’s ears and made everyone’s heads ache.  _ “Fine. I’ll tell you.”  _

“Great,” Dean said. “A being as great as you deserves a great audience.” 

Another bout of that creaking sound filled the room before the thing spoke again.  _ “The man in the chair, like I said, is the original Splendid Master. He just went by  _ ‘Chuck’ _ though. Ridiculous. He drew up the plans for Heaven, but they were lacking. He wanted to  _ help  _ people. The radiation was so thick in the air and natural resources that people were dropping like flies. So Chuck came up with purifiers for air, soil, water, all kinds of resources. That’s what we use here in Heaven, today for growing the food for feasts and what not.  _

_ “Anyway, Chuck never got to see the Heaven he planned though. The one where people lived in peace and contributed to the economy. He didn’t see the real potential this utopia could have. Not until he got sick and built himself a life support: me.” _

“You? How does that work?” Dean asked to keep up the ruse. 

_ “I was supposed to keep his heart beating and his organs working until he didn’t need them to anymore. Only, I grew a consciousness. And then I grew stronger than Chuck. I tried killing him, but that’s when I realized I couldn’t live without him, so I strapped him to that chair their and hooked him up. His heart’s been pumping for eons. His organs have been working this entire time. His life support is eternal.” _

“Wow. That’s...” Dean had to take another look at the man in the chair, frowning in sympathy at what all these years had to have been like. “That’s quite a story. Is he conscious of what’s happening?” 

_ “I haven’t cared enough to check,” _ the thing said. Dean pursed his lips and turned back to the man in the chair. 

“I think you’ve had enough,” he said and swore he could see something flash through the man’s eyes. 

_ “Had enough? I’m just getting started!” _

“I wasn’t talking to you,” Dean said. Another mechanic sound filled the room, but before the thing could talk, Dean shouted, “Now!” 

Nathaniel, Meg, Lily, Gilda, and Castiel all jumped out and bagan slashing and shooting at the arms. 

_ “What!? No!” _

Dean got himself free in the confusion and  headed towards the man in the chair,Chuck. Like the thing said, if he dies, so does the machine. 

_ “ _ No _!”  _ the thing bellowed. More arms came from the ceiling and created a case around Chuck to protect him.  _ “No, no, no! You tricked me!” _

Dean dodged an arm and attacked the ones surrounding Chuck, slashing through the metal while the everyone else did the same with the arms attacking them. 

_ “No!  _ No, no, no! _ No!” _ the thing continued to yell, some grating mechanical sound getting louder and louder. Dean ignored it and continued trying to get to Chuck. He knew it wasn’t something good, but if he could just get to Chuck in time, no one would need to find out what that sound meant.

The world didn’t ever work like that, though. Just as Dean thought he was making progress he was grabbed by one of the arms and flung back into a wall, knocking the wind out of him as well as his blades out of his hands. 

Dean wheezed as he reached for his weapons again, but he only was grabbed and shoved into the wall and held there. His vision was fuzzy, but he still tried to look around. Nathaniel was crumpled to the ground with Meg right next to him. Gilda was being held against the wall like he was, and Lily and Castiel were nowhere to be found. 

_ “I am a God!”  _ the thing yelled, bringing all its arms to aim at Dean as it continued to yell.  _ “I cannot be killed! I am eternal! I—” _

Three of the arms pointing at Dean fell away and clanged to the ground. 

_ “What?”  _

More arms dropped to the ground, including the one holding Gilda up. She fell with it and stayed down, unmoving. 

_ “What?!” _ the thing dropped Dean voluntarily, but still, four more of its arms fell unmoving to the ground.  _ “No!” _ it screeched. Dean looked over to where Chuck was and saw Lily and Castiel yanking the tubes and cords attached to Chuck. 

“Looks like you’re just like the rest of us,” Dean said. Two remaining arms out of three dropped to the ground and Dean laughed. 

_ “NO!”  _ It shrieked and shot itself towards Castiel at high speed making it so that even if Castiel pulled the cord that arm connected to, he would still be hit by it and hurt irreparably. Dean screamed out Castiel’s name, but it was too late for Castiel to move out of the way. 

Dean watched on in horror as Lily pulled the cord at the same time Gilda jumped in front of Castiel and sacrificed herself to save Castiel. She dropped to the ground a moment later and Castiel went with her, holding her upright. 

“Why did you do that?” Castiel demanded, trying to lay her down in something that would be somewhat comfortable. 

“I can’t feel anything, Cas,” She rasped. “Stop fussing.” 

Castiel sobbed. “Gilda, why would you do that?” he cupped her face. Dean pushed himself up and stumbled his way over to them as fast as he could, falling to his knees next to Gilda.

“This world needs you, Cas,” Gilda said as blood trickled from the corner of her mouth. “It’s not your fault. Don’t blame yourself, and tell them I love them, okay?” 

“No, Gilda, you can’t—” 

“Please,” Gilda whispered, color fading from her face fast. 

“I…” Castiel choked on another sob. “I pr-promise.” 

Gilda smiled up at Castiel and slowly closed her eyes. She went completely limp just seconds later and Castiel hugged her as he cried. 

“I promise,” he repeated. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, I feel like I lost my fire these last three chapters. Not super proud of them, but they're what I got.

The man who’d started this all, had apparently also helped end this all. Chuck had been conscious for all those years and had been using the machine’s arrogance against itself just as Dean had. After the SM had finally fallen, and every fallen man and woman’s bodies were collected, Dean and Castiel brought Ash and Kevin in to the SM’s headquarters and done some digging. They found a file on the computer there that gave detailed instructions on how to rebuild Heaven at a true utopia of teamwork and hard work, as well as a five year plan on where to start building more Heaven’s. Chuck had not only been able to wirelessly connect his brain with the computer in that room, but he’d been able to hide these files from the SM. 

Now, people were together and smiling. Party wasn’t how Dean would describe what was going on right now. There wasn’t many lost in the battle, but even one was too many lost for this to be a party. What Dean would call this would be a celebration of life. A celebration of the lives of Gilda, Nathaniel, Benny, several soldiers Dean never had the luck of meeting, and Chuck. 

Dean was happy to have this be over, but it was bitter sweet. This had left scars on everyone involved and their lives would never be the same. On that same note, their lives would never be the same. Their lives would be better. 

With time, those scars would fade, but there would always be a reminder of what the cost of change was, even if that change was for the better of the many. 

“Hey, look,” Castiel’s voice came from behind Dean. Dean turned around and smiled at Castiel as he came over to stand together on the balcony of the banquet hall in Heaven. “I know you said that once this was over to never contact you again…” Castiel said, unable to meet Dean’s eyes. “But I was hoping that you would stay?”

“Cas—”

“With me,” Castiel added quickly. “Stay with me.” 

Dean smiled and grabbed Castiel’s chin, making Castiel look up at him. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” he said, bending down to kiss Castiel softly. “I’m not going to leave you. For as long as you’ll have me.” 

Castiel smiled back up at him. “You better be ready to stay by my side forever, then.” 

“I’d be happy to do that,” Dean said. 


End file.
